AS A baby boomer, I admit I throw shade at millennials more often than I probably should. My only excuse is the frustration I feel co-existing with a generation that grows more alien to me every day. One day, though, I had an epiphany.
Who gave birth to these millennials? Who raised them? I realized that in fact, we—baby boomers conceived, birthed, raised and created these millennials. So before spitting in their eyes, we should take a step back and see what happened.
We characterize millennials as cocky, whiny, entitled, lazy. Might our helicopter parenting have anything to do with this tragic evolution?
How do we expect to produce independent, responsible, diligent, self-motivated adults if as parents, we are quick to shield our children from negative emotions and situations? If we readily step in to solve their problems? If we are constantly hovering—never giving them enough space to become the adults they need to be?
The mobile phone has not been called the longest umbilical cord for nothing.
Millennials are a product of the environment they grew up in. If they have short attention spans, it’s because they were born in the digital age. If they are addicted to incentives, it’s because they were raised with participation rewards. If they have epic entitlement issues, it’s because they were pampered with parental love.
Baby boomers didn’t get rewards for showing up, for participating, for passing or for excelling. We didn’t get rewards for doing what was expected of us.
Baby boomer parents say, “We will love you no matter what.” The subtext is that millennials don’t have to do anything to deserve their parents’ love.
Traditionalist parents say, “Do well in school. Do your best.” No declarations of unconditional love. The subtext is that we have to earn our parents’ love. This is the strongest extrinsic motivation for baby boomers to do well in life.
Baby boomers lavish their children with love—exempting them from the mundane and tedious tasks of daily life. As a result, millennials grow up thinking they only have to do what sparks joy in their lives.
Baby boomers, on the other hand, grow up understanding chore, duty and obligation. They were raised with the mindset that not all tasks in life spark joy but we still have to do them anyway.
If millennials find it difficult to grasp authority, structure and hierarchy, it’s because we raised them with literally no boundaries. As such, they saw their parents as equals. When we gave them a voice, we inadvertently gave them a vote in our household.
And so, they speak freely without regard for age or status. What we now see as disrespect, they regard as democracy.
I understand now. We are not necessarily right. They are not necessarily wrong. We are just different.