Shy, silent and scared. If I were to pick three words out of the many to describe what I felt during my first year of college, these would do me justice all the way. On the first day I had it all planned out in my head: I’d most likely be asked to get along and interact with a bunch of other people I don’t know and none of them would like me. I’d be asked to introduce myself and, hopefully, that would start a conversation but not one that would last long. My mind continued to make up situations that I would be thrown into—and the longer it did, the more tired I became.
Due to my ability to excessively over-think literally everything, I could easily say I was ready to spend my first few months of college alone. I thought it through and I always had my high school friends that I could run to. But with different schedules, it just wasn’t going to happen. I quickly realized in the first few hours on my first day just how lifeless I looked compared to the many other kids who jumped from circle to circle, getting to know students from all walks of life. I racked my brain trying to figure out just how much skill was needed to start a conversation and how much more it took to keep it going. I wondered if there was a formula to making friends—and that I’d need to learn it as soon as possible.
Funnily enough, I slowly began to realize how wrong I was about how I thought my college life would turn out. By the second day, I had made my first friend. She was the first to start a conversation with me and I was relieved that it was one that lasted more than five minutes. She and I ended up spending the afternoon together and the longer we talked, the nicer the feeling became to meet someone new. During our classes, although I chose to speak only to her for the first few days, we both got acquainted with everyone else in our block. It became easier for me to make friends without having to worry about speaking in the big group because there was always someone else who was more vocal. Over time, it became easier for me to talk and laugh with others who I realized respected me and thought of me as a nice person.
I realized how wrong I was letting my social anxiety dictate what my college life would be before it even began. I realized that they were all presumptions I had simply because I was shy, silent and scared. Now, I am about to begin my sophomore year a bit more confidently than before. In the past year I realized that joining organizations helped me in becoming more open and knowledgeable about my strengths. I found a pinch of strength within me to step out of my comfort zone and take multiple leaps of faith. I found myself running for a position as an officer in one of my organizations and to my surprise, won the elections. I wanted to do my part in helping improve the lives of my fellow students and I felt good doing it. Later, I realized just how much of what I was doing was also benefiting me as a person as it played to my strengths.
In the past, I was never one to go beyond what was expected of me mainly because I didn’t have a lot of confidence in my abilities as a person. But now, I have come to realize that as scary as it may seem, college brings out so much hidden potential in a person. There are so many opportunities that will present themselves to you and it only takes a little bit of your confidence to make them go a long way. Through the two semesters I faced, I could say that I am a little stronger, smarter, and more level-headed than I was before. I still have a long way to go and a lot of things that need figuring out, but it’s uplifting to know that my eyes and heart have been opened a little bit wider than before. I’m definitely looking forward to my next year in school as a means of growth and experience and another year of building myself as a person.