THE other day, one of the golden girls posts a CNN report on our Viber group, “A woman who turns 107 shares her secret to longevity—‘I never got married’.”
“Haha, I read this one,” I message the group. “I think 107 is too much.”
“107 is okay so long as we’re still complete,” says one of the girls. “We can dance and play bingo together like this 107-year-old woman.”
“Exactly my thoughts,” I type back.
“I’m single now so we’ll both have a long life, Mel,” one of the girls says.
“Single now,” another one says, “but you never know what God’s plans are.”
“I’m happily single,” she insists.
The thread grows longer. Before long, we’re talking about growing old together and doing all the fun stuff we hope to do when we get there—as if we’re not there yet.
And then, this article finds its way into my screen. I think it is about marriage. But it’s not. It’s about love. Long-term love. And just like that, I realize it’s what all people look for in their lives.
It’s not a spouse they seek but a lover—a long-term lover. It’s not marriage people seek—it’s long-term love. The idea of forever.
Why do marriages lose their luster? Because while life is hard, cohabitation is harder. Monotony is inevitable. And people don’t have super powers that can make them stay magical forever. They will, in time, display their real, human selves. They will become tired, thoughtless, angry, hurtful, boring, disappointing, unattractive, unlovable.
Romance is the stuff that dreams are made of. Sadly, it is not sustainable. Like passion and physical attraction, it wanes rather quickly. So for the long-term, you have to create it. Just as you did when you first became so enamored with something or someone. You actually created your own romance.
Long-term love. This is what people seek. A love that is loyal and true. A love that can stand the test of trial and time. What most people don’t realize is that this kind of love is actually more commonplace outside of marriage.
The love between parent and child. The love between siblings. The love among family members. The love between or among friends. So perhaps, you actually search for something you already have.
Long-term love. A love we can all go home to. A love we can find comfort in. A love that can wrap us in its arms when our tears are falling. It’s not about being single or married. It’s about having significant human connections all the way till the end.
I doubt if I’ll ever make it to 107 but that’s all right. I don’t want to get there if there is no one else left who can laugh with me when I look back at all my antics. Longevity is great. But long-term love is better.
In the end, I just want a hand lovingly holding mine and a voice gently telling me it’s okay to go into the light.
Long-term love.