I TOOK a leave in writing because I did not know what to write about. I ran out of gas. I used to have a muse but that muse faded into obscurity. The madness was gone and the passion flickered. I still do not know when the light will be back or the madness rediscovered but what I know is I am now once more compelled to write. The reason does not matter, I just happen to feel like doing this again.
So many things have happened. Some good, others terrible. There were inspiring days and then there were stupid ones. I traveled a lot not necessarily to places though I have seen some pretty places. Most of the places I went to I did not require a trip. Sometimes you travel through your mind and moments. And some of those places were quite scary. And some were awesome.
I have been doing new things too. As of this writing, I am watching the whole Marvel movie saga starting with Captain America and am looking forward to watching the Endgame once more. I sleep at 2 a.m. now which is an improvement from 3 a.m.. My wife stopped requesting me to sleep earlier years ago. She has given up. Besides when I do get to sleep before 12 midnight I find myself awake at 5 a.m. which is really a hassle because that would mean I would have to rise and do walking and exercising which my wife has not given up hope. I have.
I find silence to be more still now. There is a profundity in it that I never truly realized or appreciated. Sometimes I find myself so still even in the midst of a crowd. Once while I was conducting a training I caught myself listening to the laughter of my audience and yet I was strangely detached. It was as if I was looking at me looking at them. That is what some people call being a witness to one’s self. You ought to try it at least once, it can be so revealing. Looking at you through your own eyes.
And oh yes I turned 60 this year. Dual citizen, senior and Filipino. I had a party with selected family and friends who roasted me to shameless shame and it was a lot of fun. Two things though about being a senior. One is the discount card. I eat more often now because of the discount. And the second would be the gratitude.
The older you get, the more grateful you are probably because things get simpler as you get to be simpler. The things that mattered when you were thirty seem ridiculous when you reach 60. The doubling of age does have an effect.
Certain things converge, certain things disappear. Through the years certain things do.
And perhaps this Bible verse would finally make sense. “And in that day ye shall ask me nothing.” Saint John hit the mark.