REMEMBER how, as kids, we could never stop asking questions? Why is the sky blue? Why does this taste icky? How does Santa Claus fit in our chimneys if we never had chimneys to start with in the Philippines? I’d like to think that’s because we all have an innate sense of curiosity and wonder and wanted to explore this big, wide world that we were born into. I probably should know since I was “most imaginative and most analytical” in third or fourth grade (a fancy way of telling everyone I didn’t know how to shut up).
As I grew up, however, my line of questioning (along with my ability to never shut up) drastically changed. I think, now, when I ask a question, it’s for certainty, not curiosity. I wonder how people can engage in such self-destructing, obnoxious behavior and honestly believe that they are doing the world a favor. Then I look at myself and see it too; my mind tells me to do one thing, but something in me resists and does the opposite (hello, ego) even if I know intellectually that this will mess me up in the future. I sometimes leave social gatherings asking myself if the only reason to attend these are to (a) know more people for connections and (b) know what dirt other people have so that I don’t feel so bad about my life. I’m looking for concrete answers to abstract questions, and I want it now.
We all want—demand—answers for closure’s sake. Will this situation get better? A divine yes or no would be easier to take than enduring for a number of years before the answer becomes clear. Answers give us a form of stability; they give us constants in an “it depends” life. The problem with this, as I’ve covered in a previous article, is that we don’t—and won’t ever—know everything. To be dogmatic about anything shuts you off from any further experiences (and growth).
So what are we supposed to do to find answers for all our questions? First, we need to realize that we will never have all the answers; we will always be asking. It is necessary, but that doesn’t make it easy. If this makes us more loving, patient and decent human beings to our fellowmen, then this is a good discomfort. Second, we need to get feedback from others. On top of not knowing everything, we are also our worst critics. This can be a recipe to sabotage ourselves. Hence we need to get perspectives of other people with different experiences.
I have come to realize that looking for answers is a lifetime quest of unlearning, relearning and learning, but it’s a journey you don’t have to take alone.
Basically, it’s a Dungeon and Dragons campaign that never ends.