EACH of us may face different struggles and different fears, yet if we allow them to eat us, we will not grow and we’ll remain afraid. Looking back, I’ve always asked myself the same question over and over: when will I be enough?
I can still remember my third-year college experience when our journalism professor would always task us to write articles about specific issues. Every time I wrote those articles, it makes me cry because: first, I wasn’t good at writing. Second, I’m not fluent in English. And third, I was never confident about myself.
At the end of the school year, we had an awards night when all our articles were critiqued by writers in Davao City who chose the winners. Some were even published.
I was not one of those who got published. All my classmates were nominated in each category, except me. I felt embarrassed. I didn’t want my friends to see me so I hid in the comfort room and cried. The fear of writing grew inside of me, and I told myself that I wouldn’t write again.
However, few months after that, we were assigned under print media for our internship. When the editor-in-chief (EIC) assigned me to a reporter, he told me to cover a city council meeting. I was really nervous. I know I would embarrass myself again because I was afraid of writing. I couldn’t eat nor think straight. My heart was beating too fast, and my hands were really shaking. I cried because I didn’t know what to do. I prayed to God and asked for guidance. I know I wouldn’t be able to calm down without His help.
In the meeting, I really tried recording, taking down notes, and listening to each councilor as they present their speech, yet suddenly there was an earthquake. The meeting was cancelled and the reporter assigned to me told me to write an article about what happened. I again doubted myself on how I should write the article.
The next day, the EIC texted me to check the newspaper because my story was on the front page. I couldn’t believe it. I screamed as loud as I could and cried, this time with joy.
My articles are now published and I will always be grateful to the people behind it as they believed in me and allowed me to experience this overwhelming opportunity. This made me learn to love what I have and believe in myself.
My classmate, Jamrell Buynay, once told me, “Brave people are scared. It’s just that they go on despite being scared”.
It may not be easy facing our fears knowing that we are imperfect, but if we allow ourselves to go beyond the walls that hinders us from growing, we will see a stronger person whose capacity of doing something is much more than we’ve expected. Just believe in yourself because that’s all that matters. (Domenique Mae Bangoy, AdDU Mass Communication intern)