"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." -- Mark 10:9
AFTER the Senate conducted its first hearing on the proposed legalization of divorce last September 16, the perennial question on whether divorce should be legalized here in the Philippines is yet again making the country divided, with most of us against it as we are a predominantly Catholic nation.
On the other hand, senators and advocates pushing for the legalization of divorce argue that this process "allows people to start their lives over, and is a fight for women who are victims of domestic violence, and for children that grow inside a toxic environment."
Divorce is easier than annulment as the latter is a decision which declares a marriage is not valid because of the absence of certain prerequisites such as free will, psychological maturity, and openness to having children according to Church law.
It would normally takes years for a married couple to be granted annulment of their marriage following the old norms. Furthermore, this long, arduous process comes with hefty legal fees, not to mention the different kinds of trauma such as emotional, psychological, and physical sufferings that these couples go through this period.
At most times, a couple who seeks dissolution of their marriage will often resort to one claiming that he or she has psychological incapacity for the purpose of having a solid ground for seeking annulment, even if in reality, that is not the case.
While there may be a lot of negative impacts for couples who are not happy anymore, such as the possibility of verbal and physical abuse, oppression, and lovelessness, that at most times really affect the children, the Divorce Bill will have to be defended more before it will be passed into law.
For the Coalition of Concerned Families of the Philippines, "the dissolution of marriage remains disturbing as the culture of family is inherent in Filipino culture." Atty. Aldwin Salumbides says "being together, that's valuable and that is inherent in our culture as a family, as Filipinos, that we are closely knit, that we also have to be resilient, notwithstanding the many storms and calamities, whether literal or metaphorical. We are made to be resilient, and so families, as well as couples, should take the lead in really fighting for their marriages and togetherness."
As a married person myself, I have to agree with Atty. Salumbides. Marriage is not a piece of cake just like how we imagine it to be before we have yet to experience it. Yes, we marry the person we love, however, there are instances when people are rushed or forced to be in a relationship even if they do not really know the other person very well, or even if they do not really love the other person enough to stay married in good times and bad.
What I want to voice out to younger people and those who are not married are these three things: first, do not rush into marriage. You have to get to know the person good enough for you to say that you can stand living with him or her despite anything that may break you and your relationship. Second, make sure that you are marrying the right person. I know of a couple who are trying their best to stay together, but it just doesn't fit right. So, if you have second thoughts about the person you are with right now, better think harder and longer.
Finally, if and when you do get married to a person, you have to accept that the vow you make in front of God and in front of your family and friends, is a lifetime promise that you will love this person even if he or she snores badly during bedtime, or if he or she has annoying habits.
While proposed divorce legalization will certainly ease out the anguishes and inconveniences that estranged couples and their families go through during these times, these reforms still do not change the principle that one who wishes to marry another person should undergo a deep and thorough process of fully knowing one's self and his/her future spouse and also completely accepting that person for what he or she is before plunging into a marriage.
While a long courtship before a wedding does not also guarantee a long-lasting and successful marriage, the acceptance of someone who wishes to marry that marriage is a lifetime covenant is indeed crucial in avoiding a miserable married life. To put it simply, one who asks or is asked to marry someone must think it through (and also many, many times of contemplative thinking) before making that big decision.
Getting married is not just about the grandiose wedding day of lavish gowns, exquisite food, and the glamorous photo shoots. Rather, marriage is a life choice that transcends wealth (for richer or for poorer), physical condition (in sickness and in health), and existence ('til death do us part). Ad infinitum? Endlessly, forever and ever, without end.