Esnara: I know I am

The Magangan Stan

TODAY, let me write about “me” and the common concern of everyone regarding the issues I have, to clear it out, and maybe learn from it, if we are all on the same situation.

I just met one of my high school teachers on a sidewalk a while back. I am happy that she still recognizes me and she started talking about her life after retirement. In the middle of our conversation, she reminded herself to ask about my status in life, emphasizing, of course, the expected marital situation, that made me think about and smile. Perhaps I need to have a plan of action before any conversation to anyone now because I already encountered a lot of people making conclusions about the answers of the “whys” of this status. They may be right if based on their observation, or wrong too, compared to how I feel.

Someone once said, I easily get angry with small ignorable faults. Oh yes. I am very particular with details. But personally, digging it deeper, I think what they are referring to is my character of getting easily annoyed. I admit it. Asking me once, twice or thrice would still be fine. Repeatedly asking me about the same thing, with an obvious answer, is no longer normal. It really happens. So I guess they’re right—my status is affected because of it?

Some would say I am choosy too. Of course I am! Being the youngest of my siblings, and way younger than them, I got a lot of reservations. I am on a situation of like watching in the split-screen of my desktop computer. I’ve matured observing my siblings having a wonderful family (all of them) at the left side. At the same time, all walks of lives has stories to tell of broken relationships and families on the right side. I love to have a wonderful family too but the era we are living in now says otherwise, so I’m scared too!

They also said being too much attached to work could be a reason. Yes, perhaps; it started when I was a little younger and influenced by mom and dad. There was never any bad story about my parents who are government employees. Maybe I just want to be like them or I don’t want to fail them on their expectation of me.

And suddenly, the age becomes an issue. Others will say you are already over the calendar numbers, thermometer numbers, lotto numbers, and other group of numbers, but well, I can do nothing about that.

As our conversation with my retired teacher is about to end, she remarked: “Maybe it isn’t the time yet.” Oh, that’s better! Sounds great! Similar with what book writers write like “there is never a time or place, or it happens accidentally in a heartbeat.”

There are many things that we can say about someone regarding something. Sometimes, we continuously ask of marital status, which I guess is not bad, when asked politely and reasonably. I am concerned, I know my age and I’m not growing young. Believe me, I want to graduate too (in this status), but it doesn’t want me to let go just yet. I’m also wondering why.


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