CEBU

Palmares & Moises: Cold and warm holidays

Singlestalk

MICHELLE: Roxanne has a mutual understanding with Jeff, a friend at work. He wants to make it official. She wants to say yes. But she’s in a relationship with Carl for three years now. He’s based in Manila while she’s based in Cebu. Theirs is a long distance relationship or LRD. How will she break it up with Carl? Easy. Tell Carl. And don’t delay. The longer you wait, the more unfair it is for both Carl and Jeff. But does Jeff know you are in an LDR with Carl? If yes, he should not mind waiting till you properly cut ties with Carl before he makes it official. If no, you should properly tell Jeff the reason why you can’t say yes to him officially. This way the MU is a mutual understanding and not a miss-understanding.

DJ: Faithfulness means a lot more than just keeping your hands to yourself. It means putting an end to flirting and to the enjoyment of having someone attracted to you other than your partner. Obviously, Roxanne crossed this line. And she’s now more focused on how to properly date Jeff and throw her relationship with Carl into a Christmas melee and possibly break his heart apart like a cheap cracker. Well, doings so looks like it’s going to be as tough as an overcooked “nukos” or squid. She’s breaking the heart of someone who is not breaking her heart. On the lighter side though, the holidays also present opportunities for Carl to spend time with family and friends, have their support when needed and serve as a distraction. Being with loved ones often makes it easier for us to process what we’re going through.

M: There is a saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” But in Roxanne’s case absence made the heart go wander. And one wonders why there is no forever. It is because it is difficult to remain faithful when one is not rooted in faith and love. Even with the long distance, relationships can work, partners can remain faithful and committed to each other and there can be happily ever after. In this case though, I really wonder if Roxanne really knows what she wants. Might it be that Jeff’s presence and proximity has made her rethink her three-year long distance relationship? Hasn’t she thought why she lasted three years with Carl and has not broken up with him long before? There are no guarantees that she and Jeff can never be far apart from each other. Good that they are working at the same place now. But with changes, both in career and personal developments, it is not impossible that one day, they will not be physically together and what then? Will the presence of another friend with whom she can mutually relate with make her change her mind again?

DJ: Whether it’s Christmas, Easter or the annual physical exam, the situation will not improve no matter how well she’ll phrase her sentences. Stringing him and Jeff like a series of Christmas lights is not fair. How will she break the news? I suggest that she tell it straight to Carl, in person preferably, then to keep her mouth shut and allow him to say whatever he needs to say. Sugar coating stuff won’t help. Rationalizing her non-random act of unkindness won’t also ease the pain. Just stay calm and quiet. Suck it up—his hard words I mean. Anyway, she can have her cake, chocolate and tea afterwards while he, hopefully, won’t have his plateful of bitter gourd. He’ll have a cold Christmas, but at least he won’t have an unfaithful girlfriend to warm it up. He can save the money he could have used to buy her presents before the sleigh bells start ring-ting, tingling.

M: There are no certainties in this life. All things are passing. So while it is good that Roxanne is thinking of cutting it clean with Carl so she can officially be with Jeff, she should discern whether officially or unofficially where she wants to be. I think ultimately, this will not only be about love life but about making life choices.

DJ: Perhaps Roxanne can use the holiday season to reflect on what she really wants. Now if it’s really to date Jeff, I hope she learned her lesson. Loving another person means more than just not letting anyone into her room. It actually means not letting any other guy romantically enter her heart. I wish she’ll do her part to fully love Jeff this time around and no longer do anything to mess things up ever again.


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