M: Cendy, or Cen, was in a relationship with Pete who was then her workmate. He eventually left her without closure. But in one of the holiday gatherings a few weeks ago, she learned that he’s still single. Call her crazy but Cen still loves him, and is still angry at the same time. She’s asking what she should do? First, don’t do anything drastic like calling him and trying to get back with him just because he is single. If he does get back with her, it might be a case of rebound love. I suggest for Cen to ask herself why their relationship ended and why she agreed to be the third party before. She might just find the answer to her question.
DJ: I was also ghosted, many moons ago. I was in Chicago O’Hare when I learned about it, and Side A’s “Tell Me” was looping on my playlist for around two hours straight. It’s now funny looking back at such a sorry situation. It’s natural for us to seek for a resolution for something bad that’s done to us, particularly by people who promised to never hurt us. It’s common for people to want to know why it happened. In my case, I was hoping for, at least, an apology. Well, it’s been years and I still did not get any. Now I’m more accepting of the reality that there are matters such as this that are beyond me. Yes, something crappy happened. But you can’t give away your right to live just because someone who did you wrong refuses to acknowledge it. Decide to move forward.
M: It is difficult to speculate why things ended between Cen and Pete, and since there was no closure, I do not think Pete would want to open another chapter with Cen when he did not even close their previous relationship. Things happen for a reason. And it is not wise to assume that just because her ex-boyfriend is now unattached and available, he is looking for love.
DJ: Knowing why Pete left or why he is still single is no longer as important as Cen making every effort to let go and move on with her life. What Pete did does not and should not define who she is. This is not just about forgiveness or taking the high road. This is about her. This about asserting her right to a happy life.
M: Cen, don’t stress yourself with getting back with Pete just yet. You love him? Maybe. But maybe your love is not enough to sustain a relationship with him. If you are not yet friends since there was no closure, it might be better if you process your own closure about your relationship with him and maybe, you can move forward and have a better grasp of what you really feel for him.
DJ: Like experts often say, we can meteorically understand why a place was rained with ashes due to a volcanic activity but never emotionally. People will never get a good and satisfactory answer why it destroyed their homes except that they were on its path. The same generally holds true with a closure talk with someone who we think have wronged us but who is not making that move for us to understand why. If that person is playing the ghosting game, it’s best to decide not to join in. The healing process takes time. But ultimately, closure will have to come from within. It’s still a choice Cen will ultimately have to make. Besides, I’m also sure she’s got a lot great people around her who she loves and who loves her just the way that she is.