Signs you’ve been on lockdown too long

1. You talk to your plants, and they don’t reply. So you text them later.

2. You get angry at your pet for barking loudly, and your pet is a cat.

3. You complain that your husband’s snoring keeps you awake, and he’s been dead for 15 years.

4. You’ve discovered 300 new cooking recipes. For eggs.

5. You enter the bathroom and forget what you were supposed to do.

6. Your plants finally text you back.

7. You weigh yourself, and the bathroom scale reads “Game over.”

8. You sing with the karaoke, and the entire household observes safe-distancing by moving outside the house.

9. You still haven’t figured out why you’re in the bathroom.

10. Your hands develop a hangover from too much sanitizing with alcohol.

11. You ask your neighbor about the strange odor in the neighborhood ever since the quarantine went into effect, and he says, “That’s fresh air.”

12. When you misplaced the TV remote you suffered a severe anxiety attack.

13. You’ve grown closer to your family. Now you know that the young stranger who joins you every morning for breakfast is your son.

14. The cockroaches have gotten too fat from your leftovers they’ve joined a zumba class.

15. You spend an entire day cleaning a room and you realize you’re in your neighbor’s house.