CEBU

Palmares, Moises: One more chance

Singlestalk

M: Jason broke up with Joyce last February. He thought they had outgrown each other. But the pandemic allowed him to see how beautiful a person she was. He wants her back. However, he is reluctant to make a move knowing the hurt he caused her. How can he approach her? First, I do not recommend that you approach her. I would rather that you discern very well the reasons why you broke up with her but now want her back. I want you to be sure about what you feel. Feelings, as the song goes, are nothing more but feelings. They can change. Just like the weather. Be very sure of your reasons and motivations before you win her back.

DJ: This isn’t the time to start liking her Instagram stories, sending her messages and poking her on Facebook. Going into this pursuit with a healthy mindset of optimism and stability can increase his chances of winning her back. Joyce knows Jason enough to tell whether he truly wants to make things right again. Now if they have common friends, the better. I’m not suggesting that he should get information about her through people they both know. This will potentially look bad if word reaches her. I’d rather suggest that he try spending more time with the squad. Hanging out even in Zoom allows him to be sure about what he’s feeling, to reconnect instead of telling her right away that he wants her back. This, I think, is a healthy way to regain her trust.

M: This pandemic and the resulting quarantine have altered the reality for many, if not, for all of us. If before we thought we were invincible and had the power to do anything we wanted, now, we realize that life is short and uncertain; and we are sometimes powerless as we cannot do what we want to do or go where we want to go. There are many restrictions, do’s and dont’s, and we have to follow certain protocols that are imposed for our own safety and security. So while we have been cooped up in our homes, we have all the time to reflect and to realize what is essential. I think Jason has realized what matters most and now, it is that realization that should propel him not to hurt Joyce again.

DJ: Two people breaking up experience a surge of negative emotions — disappointment, sadness, even anger. If there’s something he needs to apologize for, by all means say sorry. But I don’t recommend that he does it a million times. Begging and apologizing about what had happened over and over will just bring back the negative memories again and again, reminding her each time why they broke up in the first place. After expressing his thoughts and feelings, I suggest that he gives her space. She’s unlikely to want him back if his presence makes her feel suffocated. For how long? He knows her better. And if he truly loves her, he’ll respect that.

M: We cannot avoid mistakes and regrets especially if we do not think through and try to see the consequences of our actions. We rush headlong into something or someone, and once we have what we want, we sometimes take these things or people for granted. We can all learn from our mistakes. We can apologize and make the necessary corrections to our own attitude. But we cannot force the other to accept our apology and change what they think or feel about us. We can only do our best and hope. Take heart, Jason. Nothing is impossible. And maybe this pandemic and quarantine period has also made Joyce realize something about her. And about you. Give it another shot. But if you hurt her again, you deserve to be shot!

DJ: It’s important for Jason to realize that if she’s coming back, it’s because he inspires her again. They can only be together because they both understood something, that the breakup after all served as a catalyst that changed them for the better. He’ll have to trust the process. If he hurdles it and she wants him back, what they’ll have is a relationship that’s even better than before. And that makes getting back together all worth it in the first place.


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