I HAVE been very busy lately. I was invited to contribute to a paper about Covid prevention. The last two weeks were quite busy and I was not able to visit my clients for counseling. And so, I am very much spirited last Sunday because finally I can do counseling, my great passion.
I was sitting on a table waiting for my first client, as she entered, she was wearing a happy smile but I can sense the bottling up of emotions and when I asked her -- How are you? She suddenly broke into tears and said "Ma'am, I lied." I allowed her to cry until she said again "He believed me that I can live without him." And the most painful words she left me was "I thought I would be okay."
By the time I was about to go home, by coincidence inside the car, I heard the song playing "Baby, I lied" by Deborah Allen. God, the lyrics were the same as my client's words. And I do not know, but it hit me straight in my heart. Music is truly the literature of the heart. It can speak both experiences of joy and pain. Let me share with you how the lyrics connect to my client's love lost experience.
"Did I say I would not be hurt if our love just did not work? Did I say that I would be okay if you said good-bye?" Sometimes when we are in so much pain, we would want to end something that is very important to us. We become so strong to decide on ending a relationship not knowing that in the face of pain, there are no heroes. We have thought that if we no longer see the cause of the pain, then everything will be much easier which is absolutely a lie -- because pain may persist for a lifetime.
"And did I promise you I could take it if we were through, and forget about these feelings inside?" We no longer give our partners the chance to explain because we are preoccupied with attending to our anger and frustration crushing us so blatantly. And we lie viciously to ourselves that we no longer love the person not knowing that the best lies often can be mixed with truths.
"Baby I lied When I told you I could walk away and forget about the love we made. I swear in my heart I was telling the truth at the time." It is true that at the height of our emotions, we have tendencies to decide unthinkably. We end the ultimate reason why we breathe and later we find that we cannot anymore breathe. Too late to realize that we are now dancing on an empty floor. Oh, there are no such right regrets!
"I know I told you that I could survive and now that I can see you walking out of my life, saying good-bye, I realize, baby I lied." It hurts to feel her or his absence, waking up missing the other half of our soul. How do we survive then if her or his memory feels like our home that wherever we go, our mind always finds its way to the person who is no longer there?
Yes. some of you might also have experienced letting go of a person to ease the pain but the moment the person is already gone, you will realize that he or she is your reason to live. And what if the person is not coming back for life? Remember that unless we forgive ourselves of letting go of the right person and realize that the relationship is over, we cannot move forward. So, cry. forgive, learn, and move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future joy and love. Because if you keep on hoping for impossible reconciliation then you are only allowing yourself to be hurt again and again. Release that attachment and never again believe your lies.