WE, FILIPINOS, pride ourselves on close family ties. But with any other cultures and traditions, this comes with its pros and cons.
Moving out of your parents’ house may be one of the most sensitive topics we would talk about in this column. Sensitive but something that should be discussed first and foremost if we want to dabble into adulting talk.
Close family ties in the Philippines is the reason for extended family members living under one roof -- grandparents, cousins, grandchildren, parents, uncles, aunts, and so on. But generations after generations may have slightly changed this practice. Let’s face it. It’s no longer just a cultural thing. It became deeper than that rooted in the economic capacities and willingness to be independent of each member. The others, even after graduating from college, may find themselves still living in the house of their parents -- on their own free will.
If you find yourselves as a young adult who finished their studies and have their own job, then what else are you doing in your parents’ house? Of course, the story is different when you’re a breadwinner and you financially support the family.
This article is specifically for young adults who can afford to live independently but choose to stay in their parents’ house only because it’s comfortable and free.
I left home when I was 16 to study college. By the time I graduated four years later, my parents were no longer supporting me financially, so I save the little amount of money I loan from them (or they give freely) when I’m broke. In those years of living independently far from home, I’ve come to realize a number of its benefits. Let me share some with you:
1. You don’t have a choice but to be responsible. Contrary to some beliefs that living independently is equal to unlimited partying, irresponsible and unhealthy eating habits, and poor financial organization, it’s actually not all that. Maybe the first few months after moving out of your parents’ house, you feel a surge of freedom and you’re happy about it but you also get tired of that.
Perhaps one morning after drinking a lot more than usual, you wake up and realize that no one’s going to clean your mess for you. Your mother won’t be there to nag you about cleaning your room and waking up early. You don’t have a choice but to mature, stand on your own. You get to assess your choices on your own. Do you want a cleaner room? Don’t you mind Chinese take out food containers lying around your bed? Do you want cleaner sheets? Everything is up to you, you just have to move, and live life to your standards.
2. You learn to budget your own money. Living with your parents may have all the perks: free food, comfortable bed, and even some weekly free laundry. But because you don’t have bills to pay and other monetary responsibilities, you have the illusion that you can spend your money any way you want it. Hence, no savings.
But when you live on your own, you learn to be responsible, you learn to pay the rent, water, internet, and electricity. You later learn to set aside money for bills, for food, for savings, and for leisure. These are things that are not taught in school -- you just learn by experience. Standing on your feet somehow forces you to do things on your own, in a positive way.
3. You get to have quiet time. Don’t get me wrong. Our childhood homes will always be a sanctuary for most of us. Our childhood friends are there and we have so many memories there. Sometimes just too many. Sometimes, too, the place is too familiar and so comfortable. Everything is based on a routine that you’re familiar with since you were a child. Rarely would you encounter an adulting challenge.
On a long day at work, sometimes we just want to do nothing when we arrive at home. We just want to relax and not think of anything. But if you live with your nieces and nephews, you live with your parents that would occasionally nag you about getting married, there’s just no peace in that. For our mental health’s sake, listening to our thoughts now and then is crucial.
As for me, I also don’t think it’s ideal to live your entire young adult life with your parents and move out when you’re getting married. That “alone” gap between living with parents and living with one's own family (spouse and children) is very, very important.