CEBU

Palmares-Moises: Not-so-smart suitor

Singlestalk

M: A 40-year-old woman who has no other suitor except for someone who is courting her for three months now is asking if she should give him a chance? The reason she is hesitating is because she thinks he is not smart enough. But he seems to be a good person. Should she give him a chance? I cannot answer her question unless she answers my questions. First: Does she want to give the guy a chance because he seems to be a good person even if she thinks he’s not smart enough or is it because she has no other suitors? Second: If the answer to the first question is because the guy seems to be a good person, does it really matter if the guy is not smart enough? Did she let him answer some modules to determine if he is intelligent? She should know that IQ is not the only basis if the guy is bright. He may just be bright-eyed!

DJ: I honestly don’t know exactly what she meant by him not being smart enough. Is this about the aspect of knowledge and logic? What I do know is a couple, ideally, has to intellectually bond. We all have our essentials. These are the must-haves, qualities we find as important and would rather not trade for anything in the world. We also have our preferences, qualities we find awesome in a person which we can concede after some careful thought. These are the nice-to-haves. What I suggest is for her to determine if having a smart guy is an essential or a preference? She has to be smart enough to determine which is which.

M: Intelligence is important but does a high IQ translate to a meaningful or successful relationship? EQ has a big impact on whether or not a relationship will be a mutually beneficial one. There’s even AQ or adversity quotient. What if it’s a question of integrity? Nobody wants to marry someone who is dumb but sometimes love can make us do stupid things and even the bright ones become victims of the heart.

DJ: A PhD in social science is not a requirement for a person to be intellectually appealing. Good interaction they both generally enjoy is enough. These can be about experiences, about their views in life. No need to agree in all things as long as they have a general core of understanding. A common ground. The differences, in fact, can enrich their experiences together. While her doubts about him are understandable, does he love her, respect her and take care of her? These matter too.

M: Being single is not a cause for anxiety or embarrassment. And marriage is not for everyone. One can be happy being single just as someone who is married may be miserable with his or her lot. Being in a romantic relationship does not complete a person. And being with someone who is intelligent does not guarantee for a problem-free life. One does not have all the answers. If one enters into a relationship just for the sake of being in one, it does not make for a healthy and happy relationship. So, here’s something to ponder upon: Sooner or later, if we are lucky, we are going to end up older and wiser. We can choose if we will end up with someone we can grow old with or alone. As for the not so smart guy that you may or may not be considering, I think you should credit him with enough smarts for choosing you.

DJ: Being in a relationship is about readiness, not about loneliness. Ultimately, love is not only about finding the right person. It’s about being the right person, too. Whether or not she gives him a chance, it’s still up to her. And if it’s just about giving the correct answers to her questions, online learning might help her learn a thing or two!


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