Michelle: Mica is in her junior year in med school, and was in a two-year relationship which ended early this year. Her boyfriend back then fell in love with her sister. They’re now together. Now, her family is telling her to forgive and forget. Blood is thicker than water. She finds the situation unfair. Rightly so. While family is family, they cannot dictate us to feel what to feel or do what to do. We have to respect each other’s space.
DJ: Yes blood is thicker than water. This applies to Mica and her sister too. It must be very painful particularly that she’s hurt by two people who are probably closest to her. To bear the pain of being betrayed by the one you love and a family is something unimaginable. Unfortunately, it already happened. Her sister and her ex-boyfriend broke her heart. Her trust too. Now what? I’d have to say that her ex-boyfriend could not be stolen. He had a choice to stay but he didn’t. I suggest that she keeps that perspective so she won’t put all the burden on her sister.
M: It’s easier to accept if a relationship ended because of a third party who is a stranger or somebody unknown to us. But if it’s a family member that is involved, a sister at that, it takes a while to recover one’s equanimity. One cannot immediately recover from heartbreak. And to be told to forgive and forget is adding insult to injury.
DJ: No one should tell Mica how to feel about her situation. It’s still less than a year. It’s understandable if the wound is still fresh. Considering being quarantined in the middle of a pandemic, I assume she’s taking her courses at home. And she’s under the same roof with her sister, so yes, every encounter with her or her ex is like rubbing salt into the wound. She might consider talking to her parents about what she’s feeling and just to give her space until she’s ready to forgive. Until when? Only Mica can tell. She is grieving and it helps if she’s allowed to go through the process according to her terms. What her sister did hurts. If family would want her to understand her sister, she also deserves to be understood for feeling that way too.
M: Mica, it must be difficult to be feeling what you feel and not having the safe space within your family to express what is in your heart. Your family might think they are doing a great service by asking you to set aside what you feel. You can. But it must be when you are ready and not when they say you have to. Lest you want to resent them or let misery fester, tell them what you feel. Talk to your sister. And then try to let go. In time, all will be well. Hopefully.
DJ: She’s hurting. Her sister’s supposed to have her back. But she has her boyfriend instead. However, what happened can’t be undone. Little by little, I suggest for Mica to focus on how she can move past this hurdle. Yes it’s harder to socialize these days considering the precautions people are taking. But she can have a bit of a time-off from home, to be somewhere just to take a step back and have a different perspective. This is also a good time to cultivate more friendships, not necessarily to avoid family. I just think she needs a breath of fresh air which good friends often bring. Hopefully in time, she’ll come to terms with the reality that her boyfriend is not worth putting her happiness and her life on hold. He is the wrong guy for her. Is he the right one for her sister? Only time will tell. For now, Mica has to focus on herself, how she can turn her situation around and move herself onward and forward.