ONE thing most twenty somethings dread during this holiday season and family gatherings is to be asked uncomfortable questions they don’t know how to answer.
More than once, we were asked by our aunts, uncles, or grandparents of questions we might consider too personal and we don’t necessarily want to share with them. Or oftentimes, we also do not know the answers to these questions and wouldn’t imagine discussing it with family members especially those we only see once a year, maybe.
But Filipino culture has taught us to be polite and respectful to our elders (even if they have offended us already). When faced with situations like this, how do we explain and defend ourselves while still being the polite niece/nephew or grandchild that we are?
1. Tumataba ka yata?
I never had this problem because I’ve been too skinny my whole life, but I can imagine the annoyance of people who experience this. Like them, I feel offended whenever people comment on my weight. It’s just not the best small talk starter for me.
What you can say: “Madami lang po pangkain, Tita. Madami lang po talagang blessings.”
“Nasa genes yata natin, Tita.”
2. Saan ang boyfriend/girlfriend mo? Bakit wala ka pang jowa?
We are a small family and the two aunts I often talk with do not ask me questions like this. And if they do, I don’t find it annoying at all. Perhaps it’s just the way our family members ask the question.
What you can say: “Wala pa akong sinasagot, Tito. Nakapila pa silang lahat at sabi ko career first.”
“Hindi naman ako nagmamadali, Tita. Tarantado yung last ko eh di ba? So I’ll take my time.”
3. Magkanong sahod mo na? Kasi si (insert name of cousin) nasa P40,000 per month na siya.
One thing that should slowly be eradicated from our parents’ generation is an unnecessary emphasis on the salary. While it is very important, people should also start looking at happiness and the fulfillment given by a job. Some people in their 20s have high-paying jobs but have a toxic work environment while others do not even have time for themselves or a hobby. That’s why this question can be very offensive. It turns a blind eye on the efforts of a person and their personal goals and directions in life if only it’s not as high-paying as the other person’s job.
I don’t know about you but I don’t disclose my salary to anyone, even my family members, unless very necessary.
What you can say: “Ah talaga po? But I hope she’s happy there. Just last week we were talking of her plan to quit na kasi her boss is very toxic”
“Above minimum naman po. Okay lang naman. I’m contented with the job and here I see my career grow in the next five years or so (pak! Dapat minsan pang Miss U din ang sagot para wala nang follow-up questions!)
4. Yung mga ka-batch mo, nagsipag-asawa at may anak na. Kailan ka? Baka mapag-iwanan ka na ha.
First of all, Tita! Charot. Haha.
When dealing with people in the older generation, we must keep in mind the respect, yes, but we also need to understand that the environment they grew up in was different from ours. When the decision to marry for them is sometimes based on the age of the couple, make them understand that the case is different now. Let your nosy family members see that your decision to not marry yet is because of various factors like financial obligations, climate change, career goals, and so many other things.
What you can say: “Tita, nasa pandemya pa naman tayo kasi. Hindi naman yata to contest but I’m saving up for that.”
“May research study po that falsifies the claim that women who are in their 30s or 40s will have difficulty conceiving. It’s actually a case to case basis and will depend on the health of the woman. (Pero syempre mag-research ka muna nang maayos para verified yung info)”
At the end of the day, family is family and if we still can, it’s our annual sacrifice to deal with their annoying and sometimes too personal questions. So good luck and happy holidays!