Palmares-Moises: Can she make the first move?


M: Gwen has worked with John for a year now. They’re part of the skeletal workforce in the office. They’re not close but she’s in love with him. Should she go for it and tell him how she feels? First, let her answer these: Why does she think she loves him? And why does she say they are not close? If she can answer both, she can gauge what his reaction would be if she decides to tell him what she feels. It is difficult to tell someone whether or not to express what they feel for another person when we do not know the level of their intimacy or closeness.

DJ: During the time of Maria Clara, men asked and women waited to be asked. But this was in the 1800s and it’s already 2021. It is okay for Gwen to come out of her shell and take things into her own very capable hands. Instead of waiting for her Prince Charming to gallop into her life, she can start by introducing herself and by asking John about who he is, where he’s from and what brought him to the team or to the company. Why should she pretend not to be interested in someone she’s dying to get to know better? She can take it from there. If he responds, she’s got a chance. If he ignores her, she can try harder and be discerning enough when to stop. It matters that her social quotient is up too, that she’s emotionally intelligent to read signs better.

M: I hazard to guess that Gwen developed feelings for John because of proximity. Working together in a small environment and under the circumstances of a pandemic may have brought about some pressures or heightened emotions. So it is possible it is not love but a strong attraction. Should she tell him? Why not? It would be good to get it off her chest so it doesn’t further affect her. Will it affect their work relationship? Most likely. So she can try to gauge from his reactions to her show of affection if it is going to be good or awkward.

DJ: Modern technology has made it easier for women to make the first move without necessarily reeling in a drama episode. The internet, smartphones and social media have added even more moves to a woman’s repertoire. Why not leverage these to start a conversation any way Gwen wants? No need to have cheesy pick-up lines. Men and women are now chilling out traditional gender roles. She can privately share humorous or interesting content through Messenger. Compliment him. Did he handle a difficult customer very well? Does he have a good command of the English language? Is he exceptional with numbers? Chances are, John likes it when his strengths get noticed. Guys relish positive feedback too. And we’re generally a lot more receptive than women think.

M: Bottling one’s feelings can affect our mental health. In these uncertain times, we have to take care not just of our physical being but also our mental and emotional well-being. Loving someone can make life more exciting and beautiful. But unrequited love can also be painful. So don’t be afraid to open up and who knows, the closer you get, the happier both of you may be.

DJ: The pandemic further underscores how volatile things can get. It isn’t wise to be waiting around for life to serve what we want on a silver platter. Gwen can wait for more months for John to make the first move or she can just go for it. And even if he’s not interested, at least she’ll know rather than wasting more time sitting around waiting for something that is never going to happen. Besides, the worst case scenario is he’ll disengage which is already the case anyway. Nothing lost! And if he responds positively, then this might just be the start of a new beginning.


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