DAVAO

Listening to the music of pain

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WHEN I write, I usually play soft music and at times, I am led to write about what I remember about the song I am listening to. I guess I am very emotional that hearing music leads me to remember my life in the past. I know not everyone would like to reminisce painful experiences, but I find it inspiring as it makes me realize how strong I can be and who remained by my side. Let me share with you the songs that made me feel special knowing how God has lifted me from my younger years up to now in times of crisis.

Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne.

"She wants to go home, but nobody's home, that's where she lies, broken inside."

I was in grade five when my mother left me while I was sleeping. When woke up, my Mom was gone. I guess, she just needed to go far to fix her broken heart. At a young age, I lost the image of a home -- the safest place. Truly, the poorest and saddest people in this world are those without their mothers beside them. I guess mothers' love is the purest love we will ever know. And they will also forever treat us like their little kids irrespective of our present age.

Just when I needed you most by Randy Vam Marmer.

"Cause I need you more than I needed you most, and now where I will find comfort. God knows because you left me just when I needed you most." When I was in high school, I remember my most trusted best friend who left me for reasons I cannot understand. I felt I was left in the rain without a shed and forgetting to bring an umbrella with me. I kept questioning myself what went wrong. I was left with a dying heart. But I also rejoice because goodbyes are the best gift from unworthy friends, so do not hesitate to wave back. In time you will find your true friends who will love and not leave you.

Don't speak by No doubt.

"So please stop explaining, don't tell me 'because it hurts. Don't speak, I know what you are thinking, I don't need your reasons."

Just when I was almost to graduate from college, my boyfriend of almost four years cheated on me. I did not want us to end up but finally, he told me he is sorry for falling in love with someone new. Oh, I thought when someone tells you the truth, we will spend our life trying to understand them. But I was wrong, I learned that whether somebody we love will choose to be silent or to speak that they no longer love us anymore, we will still remember their eyes the very moment when they say goodbye.

One sweet day by Mariah Carey.

"Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep, you will always listen as I pray. And I know you are shining down on me from heaven. And I know eventually, we will be together. Sorry, I have never told all that I wanted to say."

I know that my father has always been proud of me, even if he did not tell me. For years, he has been so distant from us, his children. When he was sick complaining of pain, I forgot that I am a nurse -- I did not know what to do. But God knows in my heart, I wish to ease his pain. Good that it was not too late for me to realize how important Dad is, but it was too late to tell him. And I should have told him before he passed away. True, but we would really feel our father's absence like when we wake up in the morning without our eyes to see, for there is total darkness.

After listening to these songs, I realized that we could choose to turn our wounds into our strengths. Yes, love hurts and feelings can deceive us. We are taught that when we are in pain -- we are in danger. Remember that we cannot feel love if we cannot differentiate it from hatred and we can only do that when we can experience both. So, pain is not meant for us to blame and suffer forever. Because pain should be treated like a song that we all have the power to play, stop, and rewind. It will all depend on how we will use it. Remember to not be ashamed of your pains because it has meanings, and its meanings will never fade. Listen to the music of your pains and find its sense. One day you will know what I am saying and that even if the music makes you cry, the learning from that encounter will give you a smile.


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