LATELY, most of my clients for counseling are anxious due to the pandemic. Two weeks ago, I received a message from a long-time client at 2 a.m., telling me that he wanted to die. I am glad I was able to attend to him fast. We talked and easily, he opened up. I am glad that he was not hesitant to share his true feelings.
Last month, unfortunately, he needed to be quarantined after testing positive of Covid-19. During those times, he shared that he became so irritable. This might have caused misunderstandings between him and his girlfriend of seven years.
Fortunately, he tested negative for the virus only after a few weeks of treatment. He then decided to take a leave of absence and stayed home with his family and gave much time for his girlfriend. However, he felt the big change -- gone are the constant nagging to see him, not have heard the sweet remarks "I love you" and then she was cold. And then weeks have gone by, and it seems like he is losing her. Yes, the truth cannot hide -- he found that his girlfriend is seeing another man and is starting to fall in love with that person. This caused him so much pain. But the longing to see her is stronger than the pain he is experiencing. He was confident their seven years together is enough reason for her to stay, but sadly, it was not.
And her silence and indifference, despite his efforts to reach out is a gesture to let him know that the doors are already closed. Now, he said he cannot breathe, worse than having Covid-19.
I guess when you are asked to let go of someone that means life to you, it is also like taking your own life. I believe that the bravest thing in this world is not to stay alive after the war, but to decide to continue life when you wanted to die.
The agony of seeing the love of your life be with someone else is just too painful. It may even torture you every day knowing she is happier with someone else.
It is not good to say -- just let go and everything will follow. Easier said than done but just thinking about it is like crushing your mind, body, and soul.
If you're experiencing this, I do not recommend that you deal with it alone, because when you are in pain -- decisions are not fair. But I do not say that you tell the world. Instead, you need to express your anger, the pain inside you to somebody you trust. The moment you release it, it will eventually break that wall blocking your ability to accept the truth and move on.
Please stop blaming yourself for not being good enough as it is just going to tear you down, breaking your self-esteem. Remember that an undisciplined mind confuses painful learning experiences with divine retribution.
One more important thing: when storms and rockslides shake you, hold on to God with the power to heal all. You may think, I can say all these easily because I am not in your position -- But I am telling you that there is still life after all of these and in time you will realize what I mean.
By the way, I also died for a second many times because of so much pain, but I chose to continue breathing.