YOUNG professional millennials often call themselves the "tired" generation. Memes and even dark humor posts on social media are created to give attention to how the older millennials hustle and bustle through adult life and in the process feeling very tired and burnt out.
People in their 20s to 30s usually find themselves asking questions like "Who am I?", "Where am I going?", or "What's my direction in life?" It also doesn't help that social media and society have put an invisible deadline to our tasks that need to be fulfilled.
We talked with Dr. Abegail P. Lozada-Laganao, Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist to best figure out what is this that young adults are experiencing and how best to get through it.
Dr. Lozada-Laganao said some of these "tasks" that young adults feel the need to accomplish during that age range include physical distance from parents, establishing relationships outside the family (whether romantic, professional, or friendships), establishing work identity, and exploring recreational activities.
"In psychodynamic terms and according to psychoanalyst Erik Erickson, a crisis refers, not to a threat of a catastrophe 'but to a turning point, a crucial point of increased vulnerability and heightened potential, and therefore the ontogenic source of generational strength and maladjustment'," she said.
With this definition, Dr. Lozada-Laganao added that quarter life crisis is but a normative experience crucial to one's development and preparation for the challenges on the next stage of one's life, as how individual development works.
Adolescents often bombard themselves with questions on identity. This is a stage in one's personal development where identity is being figured out. She said this is important preparation in young adulthood where the matters on romantic relationships will be heightened. Certain challenges need to be experienced and surpassed at certain chapters and areas in life.
"We first should have identity, before entering a romantic relationship in middle adulthood," she said as an example.
Here, Dr. Lozada-Laganao answers frequently asked questions on quarter life crisis that usually occurs on young adults.
How do we know we're experiencing a quarter life crisis?
Usually there's a feeling of disillusionment, being stuck, trapped, exhausted, and there's fatigue. Most of the young adults have already overcome this by the time they reach their 40s, in preparation for the midlife crisis. People experiencing quarter life crisis feel like certain accomplishments should have been completed already otherwise they feel disappointed resulting to low self-esteem. This can also be brought by unrelenting and unrealistic standards of oneself.
Do environment and upbringing affect the way an individual responds to a quarter life crisis? If yes, how so?
Yes, it does. But we also must take into account how society affects us now versus how it does during the time of our grandparents, for example.
How we view things is NOT just about upbringing but another is our REAL experiences in life.
Social media distorts a young adult's expectation of life. Of course, most of the things we see on social media are only the good things, other people's achievements, etc. If we're still looking and still struggling in that particular aspect, we feel left behind. Social media results in envy and inferiority.
It also doesn't help if we keep on comparing our accomplishments to that of our parents' or grandparents'. We have to understand that it's a different time. Comparison makes you feel like you're not enough. Not accomplishing what your parents accomplished at that age doesn't make you a failure.
Crisis, as a term, has always been there. Our parents and grandparents also have their own quarter life crisis but it was different during their time.
How is a quarter life crisis experience different from one person to another?
The response can be in a spectrum -- low distress to high distress. It's different for each individual. Negative experiences in life will help you get through this crisis.
One needs a fresher perspective, positive mindset, having patience, and tolerance of committing mistakes. In other words, be kinder and forgiving to yourself. Don't beat yourself up too much.
It also helps if you are connected to family and friends. Even if you're not really achieving a lot at this, you know you have family, friends, and a partner.
But you have to also consider the impact of the pandemic now, not just for the young adults but to everyone. There are a lot of uncertainties. Many of us have a lot of passion, a lot of potential but lost a job, maybe. So there's a possibility of shift of spectrum from low distress to high distress.
What are the measures or distractions to help someone experiencing a quarter life crisis get through it?
(1) Understand that this crisis is part of growing up.
(2) These are actually normal questions I should be asking myself. I'm right where I should be.
(3) Understand this is part of experience.
(4) Know your weaknesses and strengths. Talk to family, your partner, and friends.
Stop and take a rest. Prioritize physical health, eat healthy, exercise. Do mindfulness activities, or do yoga and meditation. If you're more mindful and relaxed, you can examine your options.
Nurture passions and hobbies you might have neglected. Explore that again.
But if you're leaning towards self-harm and you're not as functional as before, it's best to talk to a medical professional as this might not anymore be a quarter life crisis that you're going through but a mental health problem.