Out heart also gets tired

IF I am to remember my life when I was younger, I would say that it was full of struggles. I have experienced the extreme of pains and loss and although I was able to surpass it all, looking back I would say that bearing the unbearable is like struggling to breathe.

I believe we all have shares of painful experiences. Pains due to injustices at work, death of a loved one, chronic illness complication, and family relationship trials. We all deal with our pains differently. When I was younger, I loved to stay in that “sad” feeling to express how I feel. But now I see a big difference in how I deal with such. Gone are those times when I will cry to almost everyone I meet and openly express how I feel to many people I trust to let people know I am in pain.

Now I have become too private. I cry less, I sleep well, and I can be productive even when I am feeling something I used to see as a threat to my sanity. And I wonder why this changed? Did I become so insensitive or numb, or is this because I help others deal with their pains, as a nurse counselor that I got used to it? What made me stronger now?

I must say that the past can strengthen our roots to tolerate pain, teaching us how to overcome pain less strenuous. And that repetitive sad experiences we were able to transcend in the past will likely condition us that everything will be alright in time. With this, I agree that terrible pain experiences are our best teachers to deal with pains in life. Life then should be understood backward and must be lived forward.

For some, you will hear words like “nakakapagod na”. This may also be the reason why people are less affected by the circumstance they are experiencing. Like married couples breaking up for the same reasons. During the first, second, third heartbreaking separation – it was like hell, but the fourth was less agonizing and it became bearable, even easier for one or both to end it all. Or finally letting go of a job you greatly love after several plans because your contribution to the organization was not appreciated for many years.

With these, it means that people who are weak once when dealing with their pains can be stronger in time, especially if the cause of pain is similar and is happening all repeatedly. I guess, the body may not get used to feeling the same muscle pain or headache due to a medical illness, but the heart can get tired of feeling the same pain caused by dreadful relationships. When the heart gets tired, it chooses not to feel pain, but it becomes lenient to all the possibilities that can happen.

Often, we can hear people say “nasaid na ko, wala ng maibubuga, wala na akong maramdamam”. It is because they have reached that point that the heart was used of the pain yesteryears, that multiple times of re-experiencing it leading the person to become stronger and resilient – an incredible strength!

Now, I understand how pain can make people stronger.


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