HUMANS are wired to get attached to things and people we like. And while it's a gift, it can also be the cause of our own agonies. When Gautama Buddha said that desire is the cause of suffering as the first of his four noble truths, he probably meant our attachment to such desire since desire is as instinctive as breathing, but our attachments to them on the other hand are our own personal choices.
Lately, I was expanding my circle of friends in this city, and in the process, I got to see how interesting different people are. As per personality nuances, some came out more compatible with my own set of values and so I began to get attached to a few of them, as we enjoy each other's company.
You see, human interactions are quite fascinating. We all have our own unspoken agenda but in the process of mingling things get clarified, fusion of horizons occurs and sometimes singularity of purpose is achieved.
However, that is not always the case. Almost always, people stick to their own agenda and would attempt to manipulate the situation in their favor. It would even reach the point of "take it or leave it" as we all insist on our individuality. And so if we like certain people so much, we easily give in to the setup however unhealthy they may be. This is where we miss out on experiencing genuine relationships and growing in friendship.
Friendship entails willingness for parties to learn from each other and to find common grounds in all aspects. More than giving in to compromises, genuine relationships are achieving singularity of purpose or a sense of shared meaning.
Yes, we will always have unique personalities and it will always be a continuous process of melting horizons as we ourselves get to know our own internal dynamics too. But no genuine relationship can ever work under duress or in any level of deception. Its basic ingredients are knowledge, freedom, and free will. And its main indicator is growth.
So if you are in doubt whether you are in the right relationship right now, simply ask yourself, "Am I growing in this friendship as a person?" And if you are, then nurture it, but if you are not, then probably you got into such a relationship under an unhealthy compromise or someone's got deceived somehow. You can always rectify it though.
The more important reason however why we get into friendship and why we bother to put up with such a painful process is that while attachments can be the cause of our sufferings, it is also a road to a life of meaning and purpose. It is the essence of living because we only find fullness of self in friendships.
I would like again to disagree with Buddha when he said in his second noble truth that the way to happiness is the elimination of desire. That is tantamount to not breathing at all. That is a shortcut. I say, the way to happiness is the discernment of what is worth getting attached to, and to continuously grow in it.