WHEN I was a teenager, I did not appreciate my mothers' love and care. My heart is full of hatred because I envy my friends having a complete family. Alternately, I would stay at my mother’s house and then at my father’s residence. At 16, I also lived at a boarding house alone without a permanent place to call home.
When I got married and became pregnant, my mother offered to stay with her. It was only during that time when I realized that she cares much about me. I had a risky pregnancy, but it was like every day she comforts me. I was even catching her sneaking into my room to check if I am still breathing at dawn.
And then when I had my firstborn Bea, I felt her happiness. I cannot forget the joy in her face seeing her first grandchild. She was preoccupied with feeding, bathing, and changing the diaper of the baby. All the time, she was there, even during Bea's first walk. There I felt that she loved me from the very day I was born and she will love me the same way until the end.
Years passed and I became sickly. Every time I am hospitalized, she would cry so hard. Once, I even heard her crying telling the doctor “Diyos ko Doc, ibaling na lang po sana sa akin ang kanyang sakit, nang hindi naman siya nahihirapan”. While I pretended to be in a deep sleep but inside ambivalent, crying because I hate to see Mom worried. But at that moment I appreciate how she loves me so.
Now, I realize how wrong it was of me to blame her for the life pains I was experiencing. I was wrong to believe that Mom and Dad deprived me, my brother Dave, and sister Ann of the typical childhood life I thought we deserved. I was wrong to reject Mom's invitations and calls to reach out.
Mommy, forgive me when you cannot sleep because you are constantly worried when I am sick. Forgive me when you are so eager to see me yet I failed to visit you. Forgive me for not wearing the red dress you made for my birthday. Forgive me for causing you so much heartache, frustration, and despair when I was younger.
I look at Mommy now with white hairs, wrinkled face, and memory gaps at times. I fear the day that she becomes too old to the point of no recognition. I fear she will no longer remember who I am.
As children, we must prepare ourselves for the day that our mothers may possibly eventually forget us because of old age despite the many memories we formed with them. Yet, I hope that even if their memories fade, we can still create new memories with them every day. So, let us find time and not get tired to co-create loving memories with them.
Lord, what a wonderful gift for giving us mothers who have the soothing attitude like the moon and the calming embrace like heaven that keeps us alive. Oh, indeed, mothers are our true home that gave us supreme love.
Advance Happy Mother's Day to everyone!