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Davao
Monday, June 14, 2021
DAVAO

Lizada: One, Two, Three…

ONE of the biggest lessons husbands know is that when their wives tell them “isa lang ang lakad ko,” they know that is not true. In fact, it is one of the biggest untruths of all time. It simply does not happen. There is no such thing as “isa lang ang lakad ko.” Husbands know that, we all know that.

Actually, it starts with an innocent question that should not even be asked.

Husband: May lakad ka today?

Wife: Yes. Pero dalawa lang.

H: (Silence)

W: Una punta tayo sa pet shop(kasi wala na food ang mga aso mo. See how they smartly put the pressure on you. Aso MO! As if hindi aso ng bahay!)

H: (more silence)

W: Then after that daan tayo sa laundry kay kunin natin yung comforter and yung pantalon MO. See, now it is no longer dog food but it now includes your pants.)

H: Okay, ano oras tayo alis?

W: Pag ready ka na. (see? Dog food, pants and now your ability to change fast.) Ay tama pala, punta din pala tayo sa mall kasi bili tayo ng melatonin kasi baka hindi ka naman makatulog. (Hmmm, dog food, pantalon, ability to dress up quickly and now melatonin.PLUS, added destination!)

After a few minutes.

H: Ready na ako, ikaw?

W: Wait kasi meron pa ako ginalista na dapat pala bayaran natin. So pagpunta natin sa mall para sa IYONG melatonin, punta na rin tayo sa cable and internet provider para hindi ka maputulan. Tapos mag grocery tayo sandali kay naubusan na tayo ng junk food MO and wala na tayong kamatis and asukal. Which reminds me na pagwala itlog sa mall, hanap tayo ng itlog mo. Hmmm.

H: Ay meron man akong....... (But stops in mid sentence)

W: O may kailangan ka pa? Para ma lista natin para hindi na tayo marami pang puntahan!

H: Oo meron

W: Saan pa tayo punta?

H: Sa gasoline station kay konti na lang gas.

W: Ha? Kabilis naman maubos ang gas nayan. Di ba last month lang tayo nagpa gas?

H: (deeper than the core of the earth silence)

W: Okay tara na, magpa gas na muna tayo kay baka maubos ang dog food mo. Ay tama pala before that, mag abot pa ba yang gas before sa pet shop mag daan pa pala tayo doon sa friend ko na tumawag kasi meron daw syan bagong plant ibigay sa akin. So pwede pa ba ang gas or kailangan na natin magpa gas?

H: Malaman natin!


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