M: Kyla got pregnant at 18 and married at 20. Now she’s 23 with two adorable kids and a good husband. She hopes she isn’t selfish when she feels as though she’s missing out on a lot of things in her youth. All her friends are making a name for themselves while she is stuck at home. Is this normal? Yes, it is normal to feel you’ve missed out in your life. I got married at 34. Do I feel like I missed out on my youth? Yes, because there were things that I didn’t do when I was still young that I wanted to do then...like getting a tattoo and having my eyebrows pierced!
DJ: According to a survey done by “Healthy Women,” 78 percent of moms put off taking care of their own health because they’re too busy looking after loved ones. Reading this article makes me wonder how mothers can be functioning human beings over time when they don’t even take care of themselves? I don’t think Kyla is a bad mom or wife for thinking that she’s missing out. Motherhood can at times consume every bit of a person. That’s why I have high regard for moms who sacrifice everything and anything for another. While raising kids is a blessing and a privilege not everyone gets to experience, it is normal for any person to feel tired of having to constantly give more and more. She’s only 23.
M: I read that life should always be lived forward but one cannot help but look at the past and wish that they could turn back the clock. Kyla, what do you want to do that you think you missed out on because you married early? It’s not too late to do things that you think you missed.
DJ: What I’d like to caution her, though, is the urge to keep looking over the fence and miss out as well on keeping the grass on her side green. As we know, comparison is a joy killer. Not because she’s sacrificing her life for family doesn’t make her life any less. I also learned from psychologists about the importance of sleep. I hope Kyla is not sucked into this get-the-stuff-done-before-the-kids-wake-up routine. Taking care of herself keeps her from feeling depleted and eventually resentful. She can also stock up on basic self-care and beauty items that make her feel great about her body. Kyla can also have a conversation with her husband about possibly having more time for herself. Even just to have a long, warm bath or to have a jog or walk around the block. They have to be calendared. I learned from my mom that if these are not spaced in the agenda, chances are they will not happen. Every human being is evolving. What keeps us fully alive and joyful is when we stay connected to our innermost passions. She and her husband can also consider more couple time. Probably have date nights at least once a month. They’re not just parents. They’re lovers too.
M: If there is one thing we should strive to do is to not keep on regretting. What’s past is past. Life is what we make it and if we did not do it then, there is no reason why we cannot do it now.
DJ: It’s okay for Kyla to care for herself. She is a woman, a wife and a mom. She is a person too. As the wise would say, we can’t pour from an empty cup. Doing so, in fact, is a great way to set a good example to her kids of how to be kind to themselves which in turn makes them kinder to others. Having a balanced life is not an indulgence but a necessity.