Moises: Can someone be alone and happy?

Moises: Can someone be alone and happy?

M: Hi, Singlestalk. I’ve been stalking your account quite frankly. Are you still single? I guess you’re in your 30s already. But you seem to be happy. Is this really true or is it just for show because you write a column? You can respond privately. I’m happily in a relationship and I just wish the same for others.

DJ: If you also happen to know Marissa, Maricon and Marichu, please tell them thank you. Seriously, though, I do understand if it’s hard for some people to believe that singles are complete even without a significant other. Tomorrow is a day of red hearts, pink flowers and “be mine” written almost everywhere we look. And with pics of people being one half of a happy couple popping up on social media, being unattached can seem like a sad status. But the truth is, this stereotype is far from the truth. We aren’t paired-up but we’re not in a sort of purgatory where we’re forced to endure until a soulmate is found.

It’s important that we finally untangle these two concepts—being alone and being lonely. Sure, there may be occasional overlaps but these two are fundamentally different. Those uncoupled are not necessarily undesirable, unwanted, or ugly but can be people simply content with being alone. They bask in solitude. On the flip side, I’ve also seen some who are paired-up with someone they are not connected with at all, thus feeling rather empty and sad. See the difference? It’s incorrect to actually assume that people in long-term relationships can’t be lonely and single people, by default, are. So long as we’re breathing, we all go through highs and lows. Regardless of status.

It’s also funny how someone attractive and smart but is still single is sometimes perceived like something’s wrong. Can it just be because he or she is overqualified? And it’s not really because he or she did not forward that chain message to 100 people! Singlehood has its upside, too. One is freer to explore career choices without constraints, pursue what defines us or what brings us happiness guilt-free. Being alone can really feel so good one no longer wants to trade it unless someone comes along who is sweeter than solitude. Yeah, there’s no hand to hold while malling or to vent after a laborious day or someone to ask us every day if we already ate breakfast. But even dating relationships come with a price, too, like occasional emotional discord or to sleep with someone who sounds like a typhoon Odette all night.

No one really can judge if someone is actually happy except the person himself or herself. Happiness is about what works for you. I wouldn’t say being single is better than being in a relationship because I frankly cringe when someone tells me... uhm... that I should get married so I’d be happy. Like really? There are advantages and drawbacks either way. It ultimately boils down to priorities. What saddens me is people falling into the trap of listening to what others think is best for them rather than listening to themselves when it comes to making life changing decisions. Besides, those who rush because they struggle with their own company tend to settle for whatever is there. This sadly often manifests into partners that aren’t really right for them—relationships without potential or people who are not available. Ever wonder why it hurts? It’s been said that’s how one usually feels when common sense is leaving the body. There are two “me’s” in “we.” Compromise is key. But not to the point of having to consistently settle for less than 50 percent just to be in a relationship.

If a person’s happy being single, there’s no need to change just because of societal pressure. And if one loves the idea of being in a committed partnership, by all means, find your person. Either way, one still has to learn to love himself or herself before effectively letting someone else love him or her. Don’t you think it’s awesome, too, to commemorate a day that honors love by celebrating self-love as well?

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