I WAS inside the car watching my husband Rey as he walked in my direction; I realized that it had been some time now that I had not looked at my partner for this long. Rey, my one and only husband, had maintained that sweet deadly smile, the built and that handsome face that caught my heart to death when I was younger. Wow, I cannot believe that I am married to my long-time friend crush, who never noticed me during our college days.
After five years since graduation, I had the chance to locate Rey’s cellular phone number. It was like suicide when I rang him, and God, I almost died when I heard his voice. And after that were regular friendly gatherings. Until I decided to send him a letter about how he became my world even after years of no connection.
In my mind, I said that I would no longer add to those 11 years of hiding what I genuinely feel for Rey. And that whether he feels the same or not, at least I did not miss to take the chance of trying, and there will be no what-ifs anymore. God, it was one of the most challenging decisions I had, not only because I made the first move, but he was in a relationship at that time.
After days and months, what was more killing me was his silence. After receiving my letter, we only have talked once, and he only told me softly, “not now.” When I heard that, I lost my soul; I felt no God; I felt the shame inside me. I did not know how to wake up; breathing was so hard.
Until one day, my phone rang, and when I saw his name appearing, the fear of answering was there, but the wish to hear his voice surpassed. When I said “hello,” he said, “hello too.” Then there was dead air, and finally, he told me, “Apple, I do not want to start a new beginning with baggage. I cannot be in a relationship with two; it took time to free myself, but today, I finally chose to love you and stay with you through the years.”
Now, as I am looking at his white hair as he attached the car seat belt to me, I realized that it was already for a long time that I did not notice how I became his world. When he wakes up, he prepares for my breakfast, medications, turns on my computer for work, etc. And before he sleeps, he makes sure my bed is clean and watches me until I sleep. And tells me every day, “Mama, I love you,” which irritates me at times because I am used to hearing it. God, I realized that it has been years now that I did not appreciate his enduring love.
I guess my husband really knew me; I remember him saying last year, “in the beginning, you told me you loved me so much through letters, and I believed you.” I did not know what my husband was trying to emphasize until he recently told me, “Until now, you still tell me you love me through letters.” I then realized what he meant: I was only good in words when expressing my great love but never with my actions.
Oh, I am so lucky to have Rey in my life. And I would like to thank my loving husband Rey with this song by Kenny Rogers “Through the years, you have never let me down, you have turned my life around, the sweetest days I have found with you, through the years it is better every day, you have kissed my tears away, I have learned what love’s about, by loving you.” Truly, I am thankful to Rey for loving me through the years; I cannot help but cry now. And I wish to show you the same, every day. I love you.