The second biggest gender bias problem that women face today is being seen as a sexual object.
Once more, I’ve been spared this bias. Because well, I don’t exactly look the part. Not then. Not now. My looks have never overshadowed my capabilities.
Someone did say to me, once, that I was the kind of girl that a man didn’t just want to sleep with, I was also the kind whom he’d want to have a conversation with. I remember thinking, “Is this a compliment or an insult? Or is this a pickup line?”
I wasn’t sure. I was at a conference room, after all, not at a bar.
At any rate, I didn’t overthink. And we remained on friendly terms in the years that followed. I never spoke about it. But 30 years, I think, is long enough, a prescriptive period.
As someone who’s been single for a very long time, I can candidly say that I’ve been hit on by all kinds. Married men. Single men. Older men. Younger men. Much younger men. Gay men. Gay women. And some more identified by other terms.
A single woman always seems to be fair game. Is this gender bias? Maybe not. But is a single man fair game? Well, a man’s marital status is not announced. A woman’s, however, precedes her name. Now, that is gender bias.
To this day, I fail to comprehend why we continue to address women by three terms: Miss, Ms. and Mrs. while identifying all men only as Mr.? How does everyone accept these terms of derision without question?
Why do we need to classify women according to Young, No Longer Young and Married? How is it not misogyny when a woman is addressed according to her age or her relationship to a man?
Why do women need to take their husband’s surname after marriage? Are they cows that need to be rebranded by the new owner’s name upon acquisition? Why do women have to give up their surnames and men get to keep theirs?
Why are women compelled by social convention to change their surnames? Women should not need an excuse to keep their birth names. After all, they should not have to lose their identities after marriage. Or at any time in their lives.
In many parts of the world, women get to keep their surnames forever—just like men. Our birth names should not have an expiration date. If we choose to carry two surnames—it should only be the surnames of our parents.
And why, pray tell, does a bride need to be given away? She’s not property. She’s a person. No one owns her. Every bride should walk down the aisle by herself if only to symbolize her full agency to the contract she is entering into.
Growing up, I had all these wild ideas. So sad they remain wild until today when it’s 2022. They kept me up at night. My fears were unfounded, though. I would never be given away and I would get to keep my name and identity forever. One can live happily after all.