J: Hi, Singlestalk. I noticed that people’s interest in setting me up for blind dates increases with my age. I just turned 38 and dread the easing of alert levels as the planet transitions to the new normal. The matchmakers are back! It’s odd how some people assume my life is incomplete unless I marry. Does blind date really work? If you think it does, please share some tips. Otherwise, any suggestion how to ward these marriage brokers off?
DJ: Your email sounds more like I am being put into a test. But I will try to deliver you from evil. I can’t find any study as colorable as those by the OCTA research group. There’s one, however, conducted two years ago by DatingAdvice.com in the United States. The result? Single men are least likely to go on a blind date. Just 29 percent. Just how successful blind dates are anyway?
People have different ideas. There are those like a colleague who found his ever after through a blind date and there are people like me who find the idea kind of dated. Something people only do in ‘90s sitcoms. The thing is it can have a feeling of desperation attached. Just my opinion. Does the go-between really know you? Or is the broker just sorry for his or her friend? Or you. Ask how well he or she knows the person he or she is setting you up. There’s got to be some algorithm. Probe for specific reasons why the fixer thinks you two would get along. Not only is cupid confident in the match, he or she can give a good argument why you should be excited about the date, too. Now if it’s somebody he or she just thought you might hit it off, still cool. At least you know the person isn’t properly vetted yet. It’s worthwhile to note, though, that whether it’s you or her, coming across as someone who is happy to be with anyone who is breathing just isn’t very attractive.
There’s such a thing called niche dating. Because you have shared values, interest or taste, you’ll likely hit the ground running even if you meet her for the first time. The good thing is there’s social media so the date is still vetted in some way. You can chat with her before actually going out together. Despite the adage opposite attracts, a good number of us mortals are more attracted to people similar to our core. If you’re an outdoorsy person, for example, it’ll be good if she’s someone who loves the sun. Otherwise, doing what you love, to her, might sound more like asking her to never update the antivirus software. Senseless.
Manage your expectations, too. If there’s such a thing as living within one’s tax bracket, there’s also what people say dating within the range of one’s looks. You know what I mean. It also works best if you set a specific start time and end time for your date. Not too formal. Coffee or tea is just right. Lunch or dinner is a bit full-on and better suited to second dates. Keep the first tweetup short. If it turns out to be a bad one, you don’t have to bail yourself out saying you need to go. The fart wasn’t what you thought it was. Now if you like her a lot, you can still ask to see her again. A bad date that’s too long is worse than an enjoyable one that’s too short. Unless she’ll say she changed the lock on her door and she can’t get out.
What’s great about being in your 30s is you’ve become more confident about who you are. Parts of your lives start to slot into place. If someone tells you that you’re too fussy, ignore them. Trying to force the pace of any relationship is like driving a car at full speed with the handbrake on. And it’s not ludicrous to hold out for someone you’re genuinely attracted to and who you can commit your best with. No need to defend or explain your decision. It’s your life. Your call. Your choice.