AS I talked to my eldest child about married life, she shared her plans of having a family of her own. I was just listening to her on how she would wish to become a good wife to her husband and mother to her kids. She added that she would not like to stay home, but she hopes to be a working mom, both successful at work and the light of their home. I was joyful at first, looking at her spirited eyes but later felt a deep sadness. And then I wondered, how is it to wake up in the morning without seeing my eldest, Bea, or my youngest, Macoy? What a difficult life transition, the feeling of an empty nest!
An empty nest is a feeling of parents’ extreme loneliness and loss when their child leaves home. After years of rearing kids, waking up early to cook, fetching them in school, and creating happy memories, they will vanish into thin air. Their voices that echo at home you will no longer hear, and at times when you call them on the phone, they cannot immediately nor be able to answer. Oh, such a lonely planet!
Let me then share my thoughts about empty nest syndrome, which is not a clinical diagnosis, but a term that describes its manifestations.
Parents feel they no longer have a purpose since the center of their lives has already begun with their own lives. Some can no longer request their children to stay at home and respect family gatherings. And they may feel that their views and opinions about what is better for their kids are no longer vital.
Precisely, the kid’s departure is killing parents softly.
And it is not true that parents are free of worrying about their kids when sick or in pain. I remember my mom’s words every time I am sick when I was a kid, “Diyos ko, ibaling mo na sa akin lahat ng masakit na nararamdaman ng anak ko”. I thought this would change when I got married, but it became more intense because every day, I see missed calls on my Facebook, and when I returned the call, my mom would just ask if I was safe. Indeed, parents are not freed from the chains of worrying about their children’s safety and condition.
I agree that it is typical for parents with children leaving home to feel this way. And it is a psychological response to a life transition. But although overcoming it may not be easy for others, managing this empty nest of conflicting feelings is possible. One is finding new roles to combat feelings of despair.
Maybe one can start on their career. Or make use of his or time joining community works without the commitment of regular employment. Expanding social networks can also help.
Another is rediscovering by reconnecting with the spouse. Resuming dating like before having kids can help. Traveling or visiting the old places where the couple began the promised love will be best. All these can add up more memories for the husband-and-wife to cherish.
Next, can be spending time with an old friend. Going out with trusted friends during elementary, high school, or college days but have not seen them in years due to busy schedules will be fun. Now is the opportunity to have lunch, visit beaches or watch movies with them. Best is not being worried about time because one no longer thinks about kids waiting at home.
Ahh. Indeed, change is the only constant in this world. From mothers giving birth to children leaving home, we cannot stop. Truly, the joy of seeing our kids that can live life independently is accompanied by the pain of knowing they can live with us separately. But life must move on, and we cannot stop our children from growing up and having their own families. So even if it pains us much, we might as well learn to accept that their happiness could begin by starting their new lives in time without us constantly.