The slap that has buried the pandemic and overshadowed the war in Ukraine. The slap that has divided the world into those who think it the height of chivalry for a man to rise to a woman’s defense in public and those who think it the ultimate sign of toxic masculinity for a man to resort to violence when words hurt.
The world says violence is never the answer. I say violence is ideally never the answer. Because we can respond in a violent manner in the face of a violent attack.
But it was a joke that offended. The best defense might have been NOT to laugh.
Or the man who chose to assault a performing artist on stage could have chosen to use his time later in the evening to call the offending comic out and to shine a light on alopecia before a global audience.
And he would have come out the better man.
But what is a man supposed to do when a woman is attacked? Well, before storming off to smack someone, he could first ask himself, does this woman need defending? And if she does, what kind of defense does this offense require?
If a bull was charging towards me, yes, I would appreciate it very much if my man would leap in front of me and wrestle that bull to the ground. If I was physically assaulted by an MMA fighter, yes, I would need a hand. If someone came at me with guns or bladed weapons, yes, I would expect my man to leap to my defense.
Otherwise, would I need or expect a man to defend me? No.
When I am capable of defending myself as when insults are hurled at me or at my work, in person or virtually, whether in the guise of humor or not, I would find it patronizing for a man to leap to my defense.
And it would rile me if he used his balls instead of his brains to mount a defense disproportionate to the offense. That’s not love rushing. That’s testosterone raging.
Are women impressed by a man’s fighting skills? Well, only if they come in handy as when she finds herself inside a ring with a lion. Otherwise, women are more impressed by a man’s capacity for self-restraint.
To walk away from a fist fight than to give in to your pride and ego to prove yourself the better man, makes you the better man.
Like most women, I’ve borne the brunt of offensive jokes all my life. You think I don’t want to smack these men? I do. But I choose to simply think less of them. Women are constantly under attack. But there are many weapons in the arsenal. A wise woman knows this. A wise man should, too.
Men should know that this misplaced sense of strength through a show of brute force does not rate highly on their score card. Assault is not the answer to a tasteless joke. This is not about a man defending a woman’s honor. This is about a man defending his.
The slap was not about love or chivalry but toxic masculinity.