People-pleaser

Contributed photo
Contributed photo

IT IS sometimes difficult to tell someone they are wrong when we are “pleasers.” A pleaser for me is when we do things for a specific person or group, even if it does not benefit others, just to ensure they remain loyal to us. Even if you do not agree 100% with what they do, the tendency is to appear we are on their side. But how far will we do this?

Just last night, I contemplated this attitude, and I would say I have done this primarily to maintain peace. It is when I nod to someone talking bad things about somebody; although I do not comment, I tolerate the person’s thoughts and ideas; I feel that I am a pleaser.

Because for me, the right thing is no matter how it will hurt the other person, we are supposed to tell them what is right when we have the truth.

A pleaser, I also think, is when we agree with others’ opinions even though it is against our beliefs. For example, in a group discussion, a very brilliant and popular person presents who is supposed to be the best President in the Philippines. And then, even if we do not share his conviction, we actively join in the conversation. And enumerate why we agree and then forget who we believe is the best for a while.

Another is when we praise people to a higher level, above heaven. There is nothing wrong with appreciating our friends, colleagues, coworkers, etc. Still, this is unacceptable if we do it to our advantage. Much a shame, especially that the person we are praising knows that we are fake, and they will act thankful but look at us like a centavo.

People do this because they expect they will be granted if they have special requests in the future. Or maybe we have made mistakes because we failed to follow the correct instructions. We might change our minds in the end, and we will say that we know we are doing it wrong from the start.

And to please who is correct, we might communicate with the right person. And then say we do not have a choice during that time but to follow. And then now appreciate who is right, but remains blameful to any one part of the project.

The worst is when we have two faces. For example, we agree to Group 1 cries and issues to an institutional type of management. Then, we also agree to Group 2’s gossiping about the same organization. So, our disposition depends on what group we are conversing with. We do this because we would like to please both groups. And we aim for them all to like us because we feel that we are less significant when somebody is against us.

The worst is to choose the group that is best favored and stronger in the end.

In all of these, of course, people-pleasing is not a mental illness. But I think people pleasers have low self-esteem. They try to nourish other people to get validation of others. But the problem is that they fail to see that they are not nourishing themselves. Also, they feel that when they disagree with what others think, they are not helping others. Lastly, a people-pleaser is selfish; doing what is easiest by not correcting them is depriving them of the truth.

Hey, let us stop doing this; say no to being a people-pleaser.

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