IS IT possible to be a true friend to those who have been enemies for years? How do you handle this encounter when both tell you all the cruel things about each other? Will you take sides? Or will you just remain silent and allow them to remain fighting?
I would say that I have had two close friends since grade school who are not comfortable with
each other, they are both helpful to me, and none of them I would like to lose. Both friends A and B have their advocacies; they are friendly too. However, they clash when it comes to work ethics.
At times, when friend A visits me, she tells me all the wrong things that her enemy does. She thinks the enemy is focused on gaining popularity and would always like to take responsibility without knowing its liabilities. But I do not find her a gossiper since she is always ready to tell the other one what she thinks is true.
Some say that her enemy does her work superficially; I guess it happens with the many obligations she agreed to do. I feel that her 24 hours a day is not enough to do all the accepted roles. Many think she needs to reduce her load and choose which tasks she can best deliver.
While friend B also honestly tells me the inadequacies of her enemy. And I have heard she also
tells many about her, which I am saddened about, as I would like her to be honest and talk to her enemy by heart. But she thinks that her enemy is too loud and righteous. She finds friend A too intelligent to meddle with others’ work and lives. And she hates her for making others feel not credible. Some say that when she speaks, it kills. I guess the truth hurts. But many hope she becomes slow to anger and lessens her expectations. A lot thinks she must understand that not all think the way she thinks and wish she becomes more considerate.
Over the years, I keep hearing their complaints to each other. They might have different arguments; sometimes, friend A is correct, and then there are issues when friend B is right. Honestly, I believe that being empathetic to both is essential. It is challenging to be between two friends whom we love and respect fighting but then it is not a requirement for us to agree or disagree with their claims just to prove one’s loyalty. I believe that making oneself available repeatedly when one needs to express their frustrations is a sign of trustworthiness.
I feel that it is not by telling friend A how she mocks friend B and vice versa to avoid guilty feelings. Honesty seems questionable, but one must not allow friends to be in trouble. It is best to listen to both and weigh things and, in the end, tell them how you see the situation so they will not be offended. I think taking sides with anyone from them to make them feel better is disloyalty. Hence, true friends dare to let them know their wrongdoings and not agree with their misdeeds.
On the other hand, some will choose just to listen and be silent when they can help the two fighting reconcile or learn from their mistakes. If this is the case, one allows friends to continue dishonoring each other. It is best to tell them if they were wrong after careful contemplation.
Remember that when one is angry, she is blinded to the truth and is less considerate. In all these, we must stop thinking that we respect our friends who are fighting when we allow them to be lifetime enemies. If we can control the damage their misunderstandings bring them;
we need to do it. Let us not opt for the “bahala sila” but instead choose the “sagipin sila” attitude. Oh, how fulfilling it is to cast ourselves in the role of friendship saver.