I had loads of thoughts last Sunday early in the morning. I had tried to recall what transpired during my whole week, thinking if there was any significant event, maybe at work, home, or new experiences. Then I remembered last Thursday when my husband and I decided to drop "Macoy," our only son, at AdDU Matina gate in front of Jollibee. While watching him walk to gate seven to enter the AdDU campus. God, my soul, was detached from my body while he was enjoying walking with other students.
After 12 years of constantly checking about my son's whereabouts, that he can eat and is safe and comfortable most of the time, I learned that I could not do it the same when he was in grade school; now that he is in junior high school. Oh, I missed the old days when he jumped with joy when I visited him on campus and expected me again to be there the following day.
I may be overreacting, but after a minute, I immediately asked "Macoy" if he was already inside the campus. When there was no reply, I wanted to fly where he was. And then I will start to regret why we did not accompany him. I was at peace when he replied, "I am in," which is, after 25 minutes, a cure to my scary thoughts and worries.
And the kisses, whether many can witness as I kissed him multiple times in public, he would hug me back. But now, goodbye kisses are done inside the home and in the car. And at times, I may ask him why? He would simply say, "Mama, I am grown up now, and my friends say it is cringy; I am a big man now."
Then why I asked him about his scheduled basketball game on campus; as a part of their Physical education class, I expected him to invite me to watch, just like before. Years ago, he wanted me to be present in almost all his school activities. His words I cannot forget — “Mas marami mga papa nagawatch there Mama sa basketball namin”. I felt I had no place to watch when I knew it was not what he meant.
Later at four o'clock in the afternoon, it is time to fetch again "Macoy." And here is another transition I would need to adapt. My son would need to leave the campus without someone in the family waiting at the gate to assist him in bringing the big backpack and walking where the old car is parked. This time, we will stay at the Matina Town Square so that he will learn to cross the street independently after our family has taught him safety precautions many times.
Even then, I would feel like losing my breath, wishing to fly and accompany "Macoy". I would always tell my husband “Rey” and daughter “Bea” —"Please, salubungin niyo naman si “Macoy”. And in my heart is a prayer to God to keep him safe.
Every day of my life, I experienced this, and Macoy would always ask — Why do you worry when it is easy to cross the street?". I did not answer his question, but I just hugged him tightly. Yes, I just saw him in the morning, and we have been just eight to nine hours away from each other, but it was like a year. Whew! But now, inside the car, "Macoy" gave me his warm kisses, the joy I could not contain, indeed a cure to my anxiety.