@GIRLINTROUBLE: Hi, Singlestalk. I’m with a telecom company. I like it here. The compensation and perks are above the market. Despite the traffic having to be in the office, I like the team and the work. However, a re-org midyear led this new boss to my path. She’s mean, never gives any compliment, is overly critical and behaves like my input has no value. Must be the pressure. But her presence is continuously eroding my self-confidence. The exit door is waving. I’ve made a lot of contributions here. Should I just quit because of her?
DJ: There was a time in my career when I had this draining discussion late afternoon with a boss. She said these words while seated in front of me with her arms crossed, “Is that my problem?” That moment I knew I had enough of someone who sees my strength as a threat to her position instead of a factor she could leverage to sustain the organization’s success.
A DDI research in 2019 found that 57 percent of employees quit because of their bosses. An additional 32 percent have seriously considered leaving because of them. More than 1,000 managers, senior leaders and individual contributors participated in the survey. I’m sure you’ve heard this adage that says people don’t quit their job but their boss. If you’re feeling like a pregnant pole vaulter, you are not alone. How will you know when it’s time to quit?
A study from the University of Texas at Austin showed that students did better on tests when they had professors who expressed confidence in their abilities. On the flip side, you’re doomed for an acidic cycle if you work for someone causing you to question yourself at an increasingly alarming rate. How is her career going? Leaders who are not respected up the food chain prefer surrounding themselves with people who uplift their own fragile egos even when it’s detrimental to organizational success. If you’re well-intentioned, you can actually find yourself having internal struggles. There’s this want to be free to be authentic.
Working for someone who actively puts your promotional opportunities at risk or diminishes your career prospects is a red flag. The type who’d stab you and then tells the world he or she is bleeding. While it’s part of your responsibility to make her look good to every extent possible, she also has the responsibility to respond to your needs, to evaluate what’s necessary for you to succeed. It is okay to have divergent perspectives every once in a while, as long as the discussion remains professional. This is how best ideas are formed. However, if she’s not interested in working things out but is rather more inclined towards power or domination, it’s unlikely for you to be able to turn things around no matter how smart you try. So, if you’re already blue in the face and still she persists, girl, you’re already driving on a flat tire. It’s hard to get anywhere unless you change it.
As much as you can, leave only for a job or a pursuit that provides career continuity or progression. Don’t jump out of the frying pan into the fire. At one time I was so tempted to accept an offer in Makati. My mind wasn’t in the right place. The lesson, in a nutshell, is to discern whether you’re seizing an opportunity just because you want to run away from and not because it’s something you truly want to run to. I stayed until the right door opened and good thing I did. Patience is a virtue. Find out about the role, the company, whether its culture and values are aligned to yours. Don’t forget to do due diligence on your prospective manager’s style to ensure you’re not replacing a bad one with another. Quietly work these out before dumping your boss. And don’t complain about her during interviews. More often than not, you’ll look like a disgruntled employee.
It’s been said that great leaders are much like eagles. They don’t flock. You find them one at a time. That’s how rare they are. Use what you learn today and seize every moment to put these lessons into practice. What can’t break you can make you the leader you wish to see. All the best!