I WAS at a dinner with friends, among whom brought her niece, a very sociable young girl of pre-school age. While the adults were still having conversations after dinner, the girl already slipped away and mingled with the children at the other table. It was easy to lose her amid the children as she seemed to have fitted right in.
The aunt was both dismayed and beaming as adults would if you see their ward losing herself among children you don’t even know. But the girl seemed all right. They even ran toward the other end of the restaurant which was unoccupied. Among the group, the boy, much taller than her and maybe already around seven in age seem to be looking out for her.
On our way home, having hitched a ride home with the aunt, I found myself conversing with the girl. She warmed up easily and was soon talking about the children she was playing with.
“The bigger girl was mean,” she said.
“Why?”
“She was telling me to go away. I was just showing them how to play Roblox and she was pushing me away,” she replied.
“Maybe she didn’t want you to join them,” I replied.
“The others were nice. Just her, she was mean.”
I had to leave it at that because we already reached my subdivision gate. But her conversation bothered me.
From the adult’s point of you amid rambunctious children playing as a group, meanness among the children cannot easily be detected. This girl just happened to be sociable and open, she gave me a peek into what was happening. Most children would just be keeping quiet, many with the tendency to believe that they are the ones at fault — they’re not good enough, children are really like that, being left out and bullied is the norm — beliefs that are not true but because they are left unspoken, adults could not help the child process her thoughts.
I have a young adult acquaintance whom the mom said was going through a depressive stage, a bad one as it has been dragging on for years. The well-meaning mom sent him to a good school here where he was bullied and made to feel unworthy by his classmates. He kept quiet about it and all that adults see was a young boy who loved to join theater. The boy was then sent to boarding school abroad, again, by well-meaning adults who saw the vast opportunities awaiting such an education. He was bullied again, worse this time, because he was Asian. Again, he kept quiet. But such psychological damage would sooner than not would show signs. By the time it was detected and help was sought, he was already a young adult who can choose to ignore professional help.
What other things are we not seeing? What children's interactions are we brushing off as child’s play and not seeing the red flags of bullying? Sad to say, a lot, and we get children whose psyches are battered by the time they reach adulthood... if ever they do.
Bullying is a reality, may all those who have children as wards develop a bond that encourages open communication with these children. May we all provide a safe space for each child to share his or her deepest thoughts.
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