They say love is sweeter the second time around.
My greatest love has always been my work. I am a firm believer in the saying, “Do a job that you love and you will never have to work in a day.”
I treat my job like a romantic relationship—I work on it and I dedicate a significant portion of my life to it.
Unlike all my past romances that were mostly short-lived, my career has always been a long-term relationship.
So when I left my previous workplace six months ago, it felt like breaking up with a boyfriend. I went through the process of grief.
It took me a while to fall in love with my new job as a public relations specialist.
Yet, falling in love with my new work was indeed sweet. I can feel its effect on me: I woke up in the morning excited to live life, and my mind was constantly thinking of new ideas—ideas that my previous workplace had forbidden me to consider.
I freed my creativity from the cage of a tight-boxed career. From black and white, my world became a technicolor.
Just like romance, building a relationship with my new career is not a walk in the park. There is a lot of trust to be built, boundaries to be tested and lots of understanding to be gained.
Yet struggles always come along with love, and the longer I put myself into the new career path, the deeper I fell in love with it. In fact, I was thinking of staying on this track for a long time.
However, a series of events led me back to square one.
I was requested and convinced that my skill set and my expertise would be more useful in the newsroom.
The job has now changed.
I now manage reporters instead of being the reporter. I now edit news instead of writing news.
It is like an ex-boyfriend returning, begging me to take him back and giving it another shot.
Everyone in my life told me not to take him back, but in the heat of the moment, my young vulnerable heart was swayed.
It’s been nearly two weeks since I came back to the newsroom, and I am beginning to see things more clearly.
Yes, this is a new newsroom with new people and systems.
The people are fun and exciting to be with. The competitive spirit is high and life is never dull.
Yet I am also starting to remember why I left in the first place.
The daily grind leaves me empty at the end of the day.
There is the mental and emotional exhaustion of having to carry the problems of society on a daily basis and the frustration of not being able to do anything substantial.
I have realized in the past two weeks that learning to love something again may not be as easy as it seems.
I can’t just go back and be the same idealistic, news-hungry and fearless journalist that I once was because my experience has humbled me.
I have developed fears, uncertainties, traumas and learning. I have also changed.
I am not about to give up on this new assignment immediately. I hope that in the coming weeks, I will find the passion I once had for news.
Perhaps, my passion’s flame won’t be burning like it was when I was younger, but maybe, just maybe that I can rekindle a warm steady fire.
Then who knows, I might fall in love with it again. And if not, then I know it’s time to move on.