@MARITES: Hi, Singlestalk. I’m dating a nurse who is based in the United States. I applied for a US visa and it was denied. It wasn’t a surprise. I was previously deported for overstaying years ago. Our worst fear was confirmed. He’s staying there for good. And I can’t be there. You mentioned a girl named Anna Scott before. Was that a case of the right love at the wrong time? Is there even such a thing? I just thought maybe that’s our situation. And there’s no other way but to say, “goodbye.”
DJ: Are you phishing? Is that your real name? Anyhow, I’m not an expert on US immigration laws. I learned, though, that you might be able to apply for a waiver of inadmissibility. It’s not easy but it’s not impossible either. Did you talk to an immigration lawyer about your case? I suggest that you should. Now regarding your question — is there such a thing as right love at a wrong time?
Some people say if it is the wrong time, then it is the wrong love. I disagree. Everyone once in a while, we meet one person. It feels right. You have a constant. Your safe space; Your ever after. But wait, there’s more — you can’t be together. How tragic. How can a person be in this situation?
Having a love life isn’t just the only aspect in life. When we love, we believe that’s all that matters. But reality tells us there are outside factors to consider — a wide age gap for example, studies, dreams, career, family, opportunities. And at times, one has to let go of something, of someone knowing that he or she can’t do them all at once. It’s the right person but in the wrong situation.
Creating something lasting and consistent needs a certain degree of steadiness. I know of a couple who recently ended a relationship. The guy is a breadwinner and the family is neck-deep in debt. It’s not for us to judge. People want different things. There are those who are ready to commit and there are those who would say, “Not yet.” It’s not that he or she doesn’t love you. The connection can be unbelievable. It’s just that the time isn’t right. I also know of a lady who met someone who could have been the love of her life while lining up at the Eiffel Tower. They were both in Paris. It was a could-have-been because their lives were too far apart. The risks were too great and the obstacles seemed insurmountable for them to move past. They didn’t know if LDR was for them.
Somewhere back in time, I met someone I fondly call “Anna Scott.” Her career was just peaking. It was the kind rom-coms are made of. There was a strong connection on many levels — intellectual, mental, emotional, spiritual. But what we had also kept her from doing what she needed to do for her career, for her life. It’s hard when one of you feels like she’s not in her path. Even if we both listened to Juris’ version of “Forevermore.” Months later, she decided to strike the gavel down, retiring from the relationship. It’s gut-wrenching. But it also put me back to the path I’m meant for. Today, I’m in a space that’s life-affirming. I wish her the best too. There really are moments that make us cry, not because we’re sad that it’s over but because we’re thankful that it happened. Not everyone gets to experience love like that. I see it now as a positive event rather than a lost opportunity.
What about you? Are you still fighting for the relationship? How about your boyfriend? When you’re having the right love at the wrong time, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to let go. Because when you find the one, when you are the one, both of you will do whatever it takes to make the time right. To be in each other’s life. You’ll grow together in patience, understanding, hope, faithfulness. Don’t give up hope. It’s always cool to love and be loved. Even if it hurts as Mother Teresa would say. Until it hurts no more.