@DORA: Hi Singlestalk. I’m the type of girlfriend who greets her boyfriend good morning and good night every single day. Even if I am in Manamoc Island in Palawan. I also send tiny packages through courier whenever I travel. It doesn’t matter whether it’s Saint-Sulpice in Paris or Las Pozas in Mexico. I make it a point to make him feel I’m present through and through. To say I am a thoughtful girlfriend is an understatement. But why am I usually taken for granted? I am in my third relationship and I’m seeing that as a pattern.
DJ: Hopefully your boyfriend isn’t too tired running around your head all day. Seriously, though, let me bring out my whiteboard and colored pens to possibly explain why you feel like you are taken for granted given your past and present relationships. But first, why do you think so? Is it because they don’t message you every five minutes, or no flowers or candlelit dinners every night? Perhaps they’re just occupied. Maybe your current boyfriend has a draining project that’s keeping him from responding to every notification on his phone. The best way to address your concern? Talk about it.
If you are always the one putting your relationship first, you run the risk of being taken for granted. What are your life goals? What makes you come alive? Be productive with these and allow your interests to shine. Reading from your examples above, you seem to be going out of your way to make him feel good even if he doesn’t need it. Don’t be like the little mermaid — always dreaming to be part of his world. I suggest you start thinking more about yourself and what you need.
Are you hurting? Hopefully it’s not because you fell from your towering, high-rise, sky-scraping expectations. Kidding aside, I used to send good morning and good night messages a lot too. I thought she’d love the attention. It also felt romantic. But you know that delightful sensation you feel when you love someone? That’s actually how it feels when your common sense leaves the body. Sending good morning or good night messages every day doesn’t work all the time as far as I know. Once they become too predictable, attraction wears off, resulting in no response over time. If you’re lucky, you’d get a one letter response -- k. Make him wonder every once in a while. Have that air of mystery. Besides, he isn’t a loan to generate too much interest.
Retain your power. Don’t be too easy a person. I learned somewhere that love is economics, too. There has to be a balance between supply and demand. So, are you ever present through and through? What an achievement. Congrats for your perfect attendance! Try being absent. You may have heard about people who bring happiness wherever they go, but don’t be the kind who only brings happiness when you’re around.
Filling your life with enriching experiences keeps you from sending this needy vibe. A clingy girlfriend actually sends shivers down almost every guy’s spine. I frankly don’t believe a person needs someone to complete her. You have to be complete on your own. The best relationship happens to people who see it as a space to give and not a space to take. Just because you are a couple doesn’t mean you cease to be an individual. We’re now at an age and time when a strong, independent woman is very attractive.
In the end, it all comes down to your relationship dynamic and how you communicate. Just as it is important to respect your wishes, you’ve got to respect his boundaries, too. Having a bit of distance can be healthy in a relationship. Just saying. It helps each of you appreciate your time together. There truly is a big difference between someone being clingy and someone making an effort because she cares.