Letigio: In love: The cycle of rupture and repair

Letigio: In love: The cycle of rupture and repair

American spiritual author, Teal Swan, said relationships are strengthened by a constant cycle of rupture and repair.

Since conflicts are unavoidable in relationships, it is in the manner which people fix these conflicts that solidify the relationship and make it last longer.

This also means that people in any relationship must actively participate in the repair process. If it is not mutual, then nothing gets repaired.

Recently, I have fallen in love with a man who is just as heedless and strong as me. And although I have not gotten around to confessing my feelings yet (as it’s none of his business), the relationship has been a roller coaster ride.

While I certainly adore this man, I also despise many parts of his personality, which causes arguments to break out a lot of times. Since meeting him last year, we have been through various types of conflicts.

So, I completely agree with Teal Swan that it is a series of ruptures and repairs that builds a relationship.

We could have destroyed our friendship so many times, but because one of us always chooses to initiate repair and the other provides equal effort the relationship is mended eventually.

We went through one of our biggest arguments two months ago that completely changed the dynamic of our relationship. I was prepared to lose him completely.

Yet a part of me could not stand losing him that way, not after I lost so many people in my life after unresolved conflicts and unbeatable pride.

It took some time and space to stitch the tear back together, and even when it’s almost complete, I can still see the ragged edges and the undeniable fact that our friendship isn’t going to be the same.

What continues to amaze me is that in the process of fixing this big rift, I can see the effort that he makes in the repair process. And that is what continues to push me forward to go through the painstaking process of repairing a rupture.

Through my cycle of rupture and repair with the man I love, I have learned to be kinder to couples around me going through hard times in their relationships.

I have couple-friends who periodically fight, almost to the point of breaking up, and they just never do. They continue until the next conflict arises.

I have married friends who have gone through a temporary separation just to get back in a few months because they can’t seem to live without one another.

It would have been easy to tell them, just break up. But love does not easily give up.

In a generation where our peers teach us that love is black and white and that you’re either meant to be together or meant to be apart, I finally see now that love has a myriad of colors.

Love allows us to like and hate a person at the same time, to be hurt yet to still care, to be angry, and yet continue to adore someone.

While I will never know if this love will last, this love has taught me to persevere, and that love is indeed a cycle of rupture and repair.

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