@NOAHCALHOUN: I never thought I’d figure into a soap opera. How I wish I could wake up and realize that none of this is real. My girlfriend of four years belongs to a wealthy Chinese clan. We started dating when we were students. We both finished with honor. Yeah, I’m a good influence. We kept the relationship from her family since she’s been arranged to marry a close family friend. While I have a stable and promising career, the guy is undeniably smart and wealthy too. Can’t find any fault in him to be honest. It’s just that I am the man she loves. I hope she still does. After fighting for us, she finally relented. It’s been six long months now since we last communicated. She blocked me as well on social media after she sent me a long breakup letter. Call me crazy but I am still right here waiting for her to come back. We share mutual friends. I see them being tagged in photos. She looked genuinely happy. It just hurts. I am not the one who can provide her that.
DJ: It’s clear you have the best intentions for her well-being. It was a lit love story while it lasted. Life was imperfect but you are together! However, the love of your life dropped a breakup bomb with that letter. Yeah, pretty savage. Breaking up in person shows respect for you and the relationship you had. Still, she made her choice. Now what?
Sure, there’s a chance she’s still got the feels for you. But over time, I’ve learned that when words don’t match actions, you gotta trust the actions. I’m not in on the deets of her letter. But suffice to say, that’s not what her action demonstrated. She left you. You can wait. For how long? In my experience and from what I’ve seen, waiting for more than three years is pushing it. There’s really no one-size-fits-all cap. It’s ultimately up to you. What I tell instead is this—waiting kind of leaves you in limbo. You’re putting a part of your life on hold. The risk is she might not slide back, especially if she already found happiness elsewhere.
There may come a point when the most beneficial choice is to move forward. Like the situation isn’t changing except everyone else in your world will have already moved on. Or she may eventually decide to marry the rich dude. Self-respect is crucial to every human being. I suggest you start telling yourself that you deserve more. Even without her, no doubt your life is still packed with people and matters to be hyped about. Way more than to indefinitely wait for someone who no longer wants to be part of your story. Think about taking a vacation. Traveling is a liberating experience. It lets you live in the moment, peep fresh perspectives about other possibilities instead of dwelling on the past.
Don’t let the waiting game hold you back. Invest in self-improvement. Create plans for the future, set goals, keep up with your hobbies, then dedicate your days to grind for those aspirations. I once chose love over a career move. And when my career hit the skids, it was a struggle to bounce back. Professional help was a major key. The experience underscored the value of taking action. When you’re all about leveling up, you’ll have less time to dwell on waiting and the pain associated with it.
I know some of my words might sting. But real talk, I could probably wait forever. It’s just that I’ve also learned that loving someone does not mean you stop loving yourself. Who knows? You might one day link up with someone who loves you for who you are, not what you have. In the meantime, show yourself some love. That way, you’ll have mad love to share for the right people in your life.