I GAINED weight again. Just when I thought it would be impossible to add any more pounds than what I already have, I did. Sometimes, I REALLY surprise myself.

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Time to diet. Again.

Weight has always been an issue with me. Being fat all my life, it was an endless search for the right things to eat and the right exercises to do. I went on my first diet regimen when I was ten years old. I remember being told to go on a 1000-calorie-a-day regimen. Yeah right. It was summertime and I was vacationing with relatives in Manila. I ended up gaining ten more pounds by the time school started.

My first encounter with structured diets came in the form of a book... The Scarsdale Diet. It was published in 1978 and somehow found it's way to my uninterested hands around 1981. Apparently, the book gained some renewed popularity because the author, Dr. Hermann Tarnower was murdered. I, on the other hand, on his 700-calories-a-day diet, may as well be on my way to meeting with him in the beyond! Needless to say, that diet lived a very short life as far as I am concerned. Even then, I thought that putting an eleven-year-old on such a diet would be crazy, not to mention a futile endeavor!

So, I have seesawed through life. I can be really good at dieting when my heart was into it. I could exercise for hours and have 'hungry days' so my body can detox from the pineapple juice and crackers I ate the whole week! I've had my time with cabbage soups and southern beaches but when I start getting bored, that's just about it. It doesn't help that I gain weight just by looking at food. Yeah. That sucks.

I am in awe of people who can stay on a diet and get the results that they want. I hate to say this but the problem with me is that I don't have the will power to do so. I am always giving in to my wants, which is awful. When I'm hungry and that steak beckons to me, I gravitate towards it instantly! And don't get me started on cravings! I can eat the same fatty, cholesterol-laden food three times a day (including merienda) for weeks! Haaaay. I am such a push-over when it comes to food. Food is my bully and I don't really mind being bullied at all!

That's why I always cry when I watch The Biggest Loser. I would watch and bawl my eyes out watching them get on that scale! Who would have thought weighing yourself could me emotional? Oh, when you're a fatty like me, you would be! Their journey and success move me. The idea of auditioning actually crossed my mind but I decided against it. I don't want the whole Philippines to know about me! There are other ways to skin a cat. I have no illusions of being Skinny Me, I just want to be of a comfortable width... whatever that is.

So here I am, now forty years old, and really faced with health issues. I have dodged deadly bullets, one of which is Colon Cancer, and I need to be responsible for my wellbeing. I lie awake at night thinking maybe I won't get to wake up in the morning. I say a prayer for God to give me another chance and He always does. I haven't really kept the end of by bargain yet. The red lights are on and I know the alarms will be sounding soon. It doesn't help to be a doctor and know what the consequences are if I don't get my act together.

Much as I would hate to admit it, there is no easy way around that extra flab. My fellow weight-challenged, whether you need to lose a little or a lot, we are on the same boat. We need to eat less, exercise more. And we need to be focused and inspired to keep on fighting for ourselves, even when dieting feels like dying with a T. We need to lose weight not only to look good, we need to take responsibility for being healthy!

Honestly, I still crave for chicharon. And I want that happy meal (lechon for breakfast). Food will always look great to me. And why not? It has been my bestfriend for years! It's been there for me in every major success and in all of my life's letdowns. It has been a constant companion, too, during my schooldays, while watching movies and in my travels. Yeah, those sort of excuses. Emotional blackmail always gets me off the hook when it comes to dieting.

Yeah. I can imagine you shaking your head and tsk-tsking. I paint such an awful image of myself, not being able to control my appetite. But, I am owning up to this character flaw. I love food too much. I guess food is my addiction. And I need serious rehab. I may have failed a million times but I'm not about ready to give up the fight. One day soon, I will get it right. Doc @ X X Large will become sexy soon! :)