YOU know, if a Kadawayan visitor to Davao experienced those TFD wagons barging their way along the Boulevard and saw all those camo uniforms on TV every evening, he might be forgiven for thinking that the city was under military rule.

Unfortunate Choice of Words Award for last week goes to Health Secretary Enrique Ona who, during a speech at Tagum's Davao Regional hospital, said "The hospital should be a place where you'd like to get sick."

Updates on President Benigno Aquino III's presidency

I was thinking of doing an entertainment column today -- have you noticed that Justin Bieber is combing his hair forward already? Know how you feel Justin. And did you hear him singing live at last week's Teen Choice Awards? No? You were spared. Justin is, apparently, signing up to film his biography - a movie expected to last all of ten minutes - and contributing to a written companion volume. How old is the boy? 14? 15? I dunno.

Still on TV and here comes Nestle with the season's first Christmas ads, only outdone by Victoria Plaza's Penshoppe who've wheeled out the Christmas tree decorations - glass balls and so on - and we're hardly into August. And hark - was that the rustle of GMA's 'only 135 days to go' countdown calendar?

And why is Tek plain ordinary Tek while his oppo is Attorney Antoinette Principe? Why can't Tek be Journalist Tek or Anchorman Tek? There has to be an 'ism' there somewhere. Sex-ism or brag-ism or something.

All of the TV channels are presently celebrating anniversaries (RPN's promo-ad weirdly backed by the music 'Exodus' which my dictionary defines as a mass stampede for the exit) and as part of GMA's knees-up Davao was treated to visits by Testigo-celebs Mike Enriquez and Mel Tiangco and I was astonished to hear the pair of them speaking like perfectly regular human beings.

Mike kept his sentences short, he enunciated and you could hear the punctuation. Mel - well, somewhere on the flight down Mel had lost that irritating high-pitched nasal delivery and chatted on quite ordinarily. Is there something in the manic Manila air which affects speech or could GMA's city Testigo studio be host to some sort of virulent vocal virus? We should be told.

On the silver screen what do you make of Russel Crowe's Robin Hood? Gladiator in Lincoln Green? The scary part is that the same man, Ridley Scott, gave us Bladerunner, Alien and The Duellists.

Lastly, lastly, what's this 'lingam massage' I keep seeing tucked away in the back pages? It sounds positively disgusting. Where can I get one?