ALL week, I've been trying to figure out what to write about. I am running low on endorphins and am not able to form any worthy happy thoughts lately. My thoughts, mediocre happy or otherwise are like unfinished paragraphs thanks to my cognitive catatonia. Writer's block sucks.
Yeah, I miss my dad. He's been gone two weeks and a day today. Sniff. But I'm not writing about mourning the death of a loved one. He's in heaven with God and among your loved ones who have gone before you. They're happy. Honestly, we should be too. :)
I've always written as a form of expression. I kept a diary. I wrote letters to my parents to show my love and appreciation, even communicate adolescent angst. I may have written quite a few love letters too! I wrote in the school paper and got printed in some national publications, I write words of encouragement on paper napkins and leave them in cafes and restaurants. What can I say? I leave my thoughts and opinions all over the place!
I just want to write and tell the world how I feel. It may sound quite self-indulgent and the world may not care about what I think but what if one person did? That would have made the effort all worth it! Needless to say, I hate keeping things to myself, good or bad.
Sometimes I write to feel like I'm talking to someone, that I'm not alone and the whole universe knows exactly how I feel and agrees with me. I guess I have always believed writing to be a good means of emotional catharsis.
It is perhaps common knowledge that problems and ill feelings are eased when you talk about them. Good vibes can be propagated too by sharing positive thoughts and energy through writing. Right? Still, there are things that are better left unsaid. When it comes to those, I try to be very careful. I don't like stepping on someone else's toes. I want people to be happy, not crabby.
I write when I'm mad, happy, sad, scared, moved, unmoved. I guess I write when feelings are felt strongly or unusually! I read somewhere that writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. Hahaha! I had to smile to myself and say "yeah!"
There really are times when we do act like we're disconnected and seemingly obtuse! But then again, I am more inclined to think that writers have more tendencies toward being bipolar than schizophrenic. I work best at the extremes and when I'm inspired (yihee).
I consider writing as an artform (not that I am claiming to be an artist) and I believe that writers don't just sit and write. A lot of thinking and reflecting goes into the process.
I consider sharing my thoughts and feelings a big deal. When I choose to share something with the world, a part of me changes forever. Oh such melodrama! I know! But I mostly write about stuff that I know and issues that mean something to me. I write about the lessons I learned in my life so they're quite deeply heartfelt, by me.
I love paper. And pens. I have a whole bunch of notebooks stacked in some corner in my room and I am always looking for the cheapest, darkest, shock-resistant black ballpen. If you want to make me happy or cheer me up, take me to a bookstore!
I always have a pen and small notebook in my bag just in case I get this really bad urge to write things down. Ideas can come phrases and paragraphs and they can come really fast. Taking it down helps a lot. If I lose my train of thought, I'd kick myself for not paying attention especially when the thoughts come during inappropriate moments, like walking or during certain activities that require my attention and concentration like during an examination. Sometimes I get thoughts when I am sleeping, too. Weird? I actually have pen and paper beside my bed just in case, or I sit up, half awake, type away on my laptop then go back to bed.
So what?
Oo nga naman.
I just think sharing your thoughts can mean something to someone who needs to know that he is not alone. In this world we live in, people have become so guarded against opportunists and jaded from life's repeated blows that you would rather keep things to yourself. The importance of sharing experiences becomes less and even leery.
But I dare share my thoughts, even when they're personal or when I run the risk of probably not making any sense and you saying: WHAAAT??? Yup! Even when I'm pissed and what I say can put me in bad light. Even when I'm grieving or having difficulties coping with life and its intricacies, I dare write! Not only because writing is my defense mechanism for fighting off life's crazies, there might be somebody out there who needs to know he is not the only sore thumb sticking out in the hand of life. There are others and they're surviving. :)