Cindy Ruiz Garaña, R.N.
Dear Cindy,
I have a really close friend and I consider her as my best friend.
We don’t have secrets and we often have sleepovers at each other’s house.
This friend of mine has an older brother who shows interest in me. At first I didn’t mind him because I only considered him as a brother. But then he persisted in his courtship. We ended up going out together and getting to know each other well.
I’m genuinely in love with him. I’m just hesitant to deepen our relationship because I’m not sure if he truly is "the one." How do you know if the person you’re dating who is funny, kind and all-around good person is the one?
rDonnabelle
Dea Donnabelle,
Life is too short to waste on anxieties. If your feelings for him are as intense as you claim to be, then not acting on them will only bring you more disquiet.
I’m not an expert on relationships but based on my experience, I can safely say that you’ve met "the one" when your partner loves you for who you are, cliche as it may seem.
You never have to impress the “one” because you’ve already done that just by being you. Who you are is good enough. Compatibility is the key when it comes to creating a deep and lasting connection between two people. If your priorities match up well, then you two have a much better chance of long-term happiness and fulfillment together.
On a basic level, the relationship is satisfactory but there always seems to be something standing in the way of true happiness such as stressful job, an annoying ex or a distasteful habit.
If you are still waiting for true happiness in your relationship, then you are in a wrong one. A happy, well-adjusted couple doesn’t have to chase what could be or should be. A good relationship just is! If the people whom you trust also see what you see in this person and encourage the relationship, then that’s a good sign that you two may belong together.
Donnabelle, based on your letter I assumed that you respect your partner deeply. Mutual respect is crucial for a healthy relationship. You like each other because you appreciate the way you live your individual lives.
Nonethelless, no one can tell. You might take the risk and fail. Still, you learn from the experience, which later could be of help in more meaningful encounters. It depends on how you define the “one.”
All decisions, no matter how brilliantly these are thought out, need to be lifted up to God who shall guide and direct our paths.
rGod bless,
Cindy
r***************************************************************************
Prospect for 'golden-agers'
rDear Dr. Dana,
I am a senior citizen, and I’ve made it my Sunday habit to read your column. From what I’ve observed reading your interesting column, you can come up with alternative solutions to all these problems of other people.
Everyone hates getting old. People want to stay young, or at least middle-aged. But time keeps marching. What are the prospects for the “golden-agers” in today’s world? There are some people who claim older is better. How can that be? I certainly hope so.
I sometimes can’t remember where I placed my personal things like my eyeglasses, pen or handbag. Isn’t forgetfulness a bad sign? Don’t most people over 65 suffer from chronic illness?
By the way, I turned 60 last month. Apprehensions have set in about getting older. Thank you and more power.
rAlicia
r
Dear Alicia,
Thank you for reading Women’s World. An increasing trend is to date people by their intellectual and social capabilities rather than by their chronological age. Health, rather than years determine one’s status.
Old age sets in when disease and disability limit everyday tasks. Some people are old while still relatively young in years. These are usually people who are chronically ill, injured or victims of a major tragedy, many of whom withdraw and give up on life. Others remain youthful and vital, interesting and productive into advanced age.
Older people are better. It’s a matter of perspective. For physical strength, energy, and fewer ailments, youth is better. But for increased confidence, better judgment and insight, less anxiety and more freedom, older can be better. And experience helps too.
Most philosophers, composers and writers, for instance, improve with time.
Premature aging and disability are largely the result of lifestyle factors such as smoking, excessive alcohol and caffeine consumption and the abuse of drugs. Being overweight speeds up physical and sexual decline. A diet of rich in refined foods and lack of regular exercise can make people old before their time.
Forgetfulness in older people is exaggerated. Stress, anxiety, fast-moving events, memory overload, and lack of interest can cause forgetfuloness at any age. Depression, which affects many older people, is often misdiagnosed as senility.
Only a few people develop Alzheimer’s disease or other genuine senile dementias. Most people retain remarkable memory function for a long time, especially when they stay active and fit.
Today is a good time to be alive! Productive social activities push back the aging process. So do exercise, better understanding of the role of diet, earlier attention to health problems and advances in technology. People today are often staying physically and mentally fit into their 80s and 90s.
Many remain sexually active as well.
There is more. Scientists are discovering that an optimistic, positive attitude actually boosts immune mechanisms. This sophisticated defense system is proving to be one of the major keys to good health.
rVery truly yours,
Dr. Dana R. Sesante
(ruiz_derma@yahoo.com)