"I, Jackie/Sonny, take you (Sonny/Jackie), to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward until death do us part."
Those were the words my husband and I recited during our wedding 28 years ago in front of the Holy Spirit which was concelebrated by Fr Bernard Ybiernas, Fr Aidan McMahon and Fr Felix Unson SJ in front of hundreds of relatives and guests at the Redemptorist Church. By recited, I mean, we were made to read those words from a piece of paper which was handed to us for all our guests to hear. I was 22, he was 29.
The question is, "did we actually understand those words by heart"? The words that would bind the two of us for the rest of our lives? Since, we both went into our marriage on our own free will, without anyone or any circumstance forcing us to do so, we eagerly jumped into it with only love in our hearts and the anticipation of spending our lives happily ever after. It was definitely a leap of faith, one of which, if I were to be asked again (despite the storms that we have both been through) would blindly do again.
Now, can one live happily with a person who grew up with a different background, someone who is a total opposite of one's self, someone with a different set of values? My husband, for example, had the whole Rizal Street as his playground, while I grew up very sheltered in my Lola's house, under the strict and watchful eye of all our elders. He is an extrovert while I am an introvert. He had so many set of friends while I only had my cousins and other relatives to play with.
As I have mentioned earlier, the nuptial vows that we make is for life... 'Til death do us part". Yes, that's what it means. So how can a couple make it last? From my experience, LOVE and RESPECT is number one. Because, how can a person love another when he/she has no respect for the other? Before our children were born, we were both carefree lovers, with not much responsibility then. We were gifted with a home and employed by his family's corporation, the hubby had his own business and I had mine. As our children started arriving one by one, and as we got older, became more mature and started having more responsibilities, our focus on each other were turned towards our children and growing responsibilities. Because of this, we always make it a point to do things together, to travel and unwind, to reconnect and keep the fire burning. But, it is also important that we give each other SPACE, to keep our individualities intact so we can continue to spread our wings and grow.
PATIENCE, and a lot of it, is number two. After living with someone for a number of years, the little things that one used to find sooo cute can sometimes become a little bit too annoying. Yup, believe me, it happens! :o) If this happens, I suggest you try to work double time on your sense of humor. You can count to 10 on the first few years then up to a hundred as years go by. :P You can also put on your headphones, listen and dance to Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" or try yoga and learn how to meditate!;D
ACCEPTANCE is number three and is very important, indeed. Acceptance and forgiveness for any faults that one may have done. Unless you can teach an old dog new tricks, then this shouldn't be a problem. The problem is you can't, right? Well, maybe for a couple of days, or a month, max, then it goes back to its old tricks. If you try to change the person whom you have married and is unsuccessful, you will never, ever be happy. One just has to accept the fact that one cannot be changed so if you want to be blissfully happy, accept the faults (this includes lies, betrayal & etc...) and pray that one can find it in his/her heart to accept that it happened, then FORGIVE and FORGET. Or, one can just turn a blind eye if you are left with no other choice.;) Yes, turn a blind eye! If one spouse has reason to suspect that there is another entity (este, non-entity) who is trying to get into your marriage, think before moving for the kill. Do not, I repeat, do not, open the Pandora's box if you are not ready for the surprises that may spring out from it! Remember, curiosity killed the cat and ignorance is bliss, ok?;)
Above all, always remember to put our Lord above everything. After all, we made a pact with Him to commit to the sanctity of marriage.
Amado & Titis Garcia:
Marriage is a commitment and a choice, that no matter what, one stays married for forever. Through the years, you ignore one's little quirks and turn a blind eye to small mistakes which really is not all that important. You have to have your own group of friends apart from his, make your own world and find your own hobbies and interests. You should always picture yourself growing old and gray with the one you love, through sickness and in health.
rRay & Neneng de la Paz:
I don't consider myself an expert on the topic of marriage, but maybe being married to the same man for 40 years can give me some expertise on the subject matter. Ray and I were married very young and we were practically "kids" if you compare it in this time. I guess one of the reasons why our marriage has lasted is because of the fact that we were best friends already before we got married. We always did things together. I would always try to get involved with whatever sports he would venture in like running, biking, riding the motorcycle, scuba diving and more.
We had our ups and downs like all marriages but we always made sure to talk about our problems and not let our pride get in the way. Having God in the center of our lives is what kept us going. I'm just so blessed to have a husband who believed in the Sacrament of Marriage and never wanted to do anything that would lead him to temptation. He always said that going out at night all the time can only lead to "problems" and "troubles" that's why he always preferred staying home.
The key to a lasting marriage is TRUST and RESPECT. We always made sure to respect each other's privacy. We would never read emails or text messages that are not ours. I always believed in what he says and not what others would say. I would never touch his things without first asking him and vice versa. (Jackie G. Dizon)