Dear Dr. Dana,
Maybe it began with the fairy tales we read as children. Maybe it was those sappy radio romances our yayas listened to. Who knows? All we do know and most of us will readily admit to this, is the average Filipina longs for a man who will romance her, who will fill her heart with heart-stopping moments, with the trappings of passion and gallantry.
We want the chocolate, the candy hearts, the red roses and the candlelit dinners. We want our hearts to flutter, our breath to catch, we want our eyes as starry as every twinkling star in the sky. But most of all, we want to be swept off our feet. Someone who will play Prince Charming to our Cinderella. So what? What’s so wrong with that?
Mitzie
Dear Mitzie,
Nothing at all, of course. Except that when you consider the average Juan de la Cruz, needing romance is sort of like setting yourself up for disappointment. Especially when he gives you a tea set for Valentine’s Day, when you were looking for an elegant piece of jewelry.
Certainly, romance is far from dead for this generation. Even today, the creative energy spent on romance is inexhaustible. Greeting cards and flower shops still make bustling business in February. Stories are still exchanged and sighed over. Girls still suffer pangs of envy when their man is not as romantic as another. If your guy is like most guys, he’s probably the anti-romantic. It’s not that romance isn’t important. It’s just that, right now, a lot of other things are more important.
That’s what most guys are like. Romance is for the courtship stage, the wooing and the capturing of their love. Once the beautiful bird is in the hand, most guys feel free to work on the other aspects of their lives… their career, business etc. Romance? Why should he romance you? You already said you love each other. So, where does that leave us, those of us who put a premium on romance with a capital R? Are we destined to hunger for what we cannot have, or cast a suspicion on it when we do receive it, for fear of ulterior motives and expectations?
Of course not. As in all things, what is required is an awareness and at the same time, balance. It’s true, romance is one of those elements in a relationship that make it worthwhile, and many will tell you, most romantic gestures are very sincere. All we are saying is a woman should not let romance go to her head. She shouldn’t allow these thrills of the heart to prevent her from using her head. Because romance is an art that must be consciously and continually practiced and polished—and dating, that old-fashioned, somewhat formal but delightful custom we all seem to embrace enthusiastically as teenagers, is one of romance’s most effective mediums.
But we should remember that wily men have captured many a girlish heart in its name, just because of the way we are blinded by it. The challenge lies in keeping enough of the genuine item in our lives and still having the sense to live for the happiness that real life brings.
Very truly yours,
Dr. Dana R. Sesante