SOMETIMES, in the middle of what seemed to be a happy, content existence, we wake up feeling awful, sad, melancholic even. We cannot seem to point out what exactly is wrong with our body, or mind, or spirit, we just have this dreadful feeling of an all-time low.
I am not sure if there is an overspill of the holiday blues, but I am definitely not in my best element these past few days. It may have been brought about by my unbelievably high spirits and adrenaline rush as February started, what with my daughter Gelai kicking off the love-slash-flower-festival month with her Panagbenga parade and performance (with me signing in as her stylist-alalay-head cheerleader-stage mom), and my eldest Kayla’s prom preparations (again, hyperactive personal shopper-doting starstruck stage mother), as well as Nadine’s mood swings in school (mothersmother-child psychologist mode). I started to have this feeling of haze and daze, of dizziness and nausea similar to drowning – head spinning, hyperventilating, the works. I decided to pay a visit to my cardiologist. I was diagnosed as an “early-onset hypertensive” sometime in October 2012 and has been taking medication since. I was also subjected to rehab (PT) therapy in September last year and have been a good patient, diligent with my therapy sessions until late November.
My cardio confirmed that my BP was good anyway, so she referred me back to PT, and my during therapy the ultrasonic machine session confirmed: some constriction in the nerves around my neck, nape and shoulder area triggers my dizziness, and afterwards it was found that my oxygen level is lower than normal. It could have been the poor ventilation at my work place, my uber sedentary lifestyle (read: laziness, couch potato-ness) and others say it is due to too much stress, but the thing is, it is causing a really remarkable dent on my lifestyle. I have trouble breathing, sometimes I have trouble focusing, and I have these recurring headaches and nausea.
But like many other dents on my complicated existence, I know this too shall pass.
Whenever we are troubled and seem to be in the dumps we find something to relieve us: a hobby we enjoy, coffee, wine, books, movies, comedy shows, breathing deeply, whatever lightens the burden. When all else fails, we nap, or sleep, try to get away from it all even for a while. I have been through a lot of “hiccups” and roadblocks in my life and this much I know is true: it is not actually the coffee, or the chocolates, or the escapist literature, or the laughter we get from videos and shows, or the lightness of being from wine and stuff – it is faith – faith that we will get through somehow, faith that things could not get any worse than they already are, faith that days ahead will help us find a way out one way or another, faith that we are loved. Faith, that this is just part of a really sharp learning curve. Faith, that this lesson will finally get through our thick brain and there will be no committing the same mistake. Faith, that one way or another, salvation awaits.
And even when deliverance looks a bit hazy, faith sustains.
(serendipity.couch@gmail.com/ www.serendipitycouch.com)