DEAR Dr. Fritz,

I hope you are doing well. I’m Lucy K. I am writing you in hope that I would be able to find peace in my life right now. I broke up last year with my boyfriend. He has hurt me a lot. I hated him so much that I have ill-thoughts of him. One time, we met at a party by accident. I went home right away upon seeing him there because I couldn’t stand the sight of his face. The following day, I met his sister and she told me that my ex noticed how I tried to avoid him. His sister told me that he wanted to ask my forgiveness for what he has done. But, she did not hint any interest of reconciliation though.

The truth is I don’t know if I can forgive him. What should I do? Please help me.

Lucy K.

Dear Lucy K.,

I know what you feel. I understand it. We are just human and the moment we are hurt, we got angry. But, the problem is, sometimes we let those anger bury in our hearts. Now, if we let those anger get into our hearts and we allow them to grow there - I suspect that soon, we’ll burst in flames and we’ll end tragically – either by committing crime or severing our body’s defenses.

I remember reading something which can probably help you in your case. Let me share this to you. Anger, stress and the like will take a thousand antioxidants in your body. But, laughter and happiness can make you gain 400 antioxidants. Keep in mind that stress is one of the killers today. They can cause heart disease and a host of other body ailments. So, if you want to keep doctors away, smile to the world and the world will smile back at you. Remember, laughter is still the best medicine!

Now, back to forgiveness…I know it’s something that’s really hard to do. It feels like you let this somebody who have caused you pain to get off the hook. But, if you really wanted to move on from where you are stuck right now, you have to learn how to let go and forgive. Accept that what has happened has already happened and this time you just wanted to move on.

Reconciliation may not happen with you and your ex, even if you will be able to forgive him. But, nevertheless, you have to learn how to forgive. This can help you in your future relationships. (Well, I just hope that you are not contemplating getting back to his arms otherwise, these “unforgivable dramas” are just like your way to get his attention. If you don’t really want him, then, show this firmly and to the world.)

In order for you to hold the reins of forgiveness, you have to be able to understand and offer concern. This means that you have to do the tips which I will discuss in my next issue as we are running out of space this time. Until then!

Dr. Fritz

(For your questions, you may send them to Dear Dr. Fritz, c/o Sunstar-Davao Publishing Inc., Ebro-Pelayo Building, Jacinto St., Davao City, (former Department of Foreign Affairs office), across Ateneo de Davao University and beside Holy Child School of Davao, or you e-mail them to Sorry that we cannot answer all your queries. Thank you for your understanding.)